My Moyashi
by Skeletonkisses
Summary: Allen wakes up, naked, in Kanda's bed to find out that he is also in the same situation. Furious that they had drunken sex with each other, they try their hardest to avoid each other. But that can only go so far. Things change when a gift from that night interferes with their lives. MPREG/YAOI/YULLEN!
1. Chapter 1

"Nnrghh. My back is killing me..." The young male groaned softly into the pillow. What time was it anyways? Usually he let the sun wake him up, but the room was still pitch dark. The only time he closes the curtains, is when he is getting dressed. Occasionally he will even walk around his bedroom naked after having taken a shower or a bath, allowing himself to air dry. It was one of the best feelings in the world! Putting on clothes when you're all hot and wet was just uncomfortable, and so he preferred it this way. Now that he thinks about it, the bedding didn't exactly smell right. It wasn't bad or anything, but it wasn't what he was used to.

Allen slowly opened his eyes and blinked a couple of times, letting his vision adjust to his surroundings. His body was facing the window, which is odd because he always faces away from it. Not only that, but he was also on the wrong side of the bed. He always sleeps on the other side! "Huh..." He rubbed at his eyes a bit to see if he was dreaming. Unfortunately it wasn't just his back that was hurting, but also his head...and his ass. This made his eyebrows scrunch together in confusion, and he let one of his hands travel down to his inner thighs. There was this wet, sticky sensation that he couldn't just ignore; and as soon as he felt it, his entire body froze. "...?!"

His purple eyes widened with shock, and he quickly sat up and yanked the covers off of him. He brought his hand up to examine the strange substance. It didn't take him long at all to realize what it was. As soon as it hit him, he couldn't help but look at his own member. At first he wondered if he ended up having a wet dream, but that wasn't the case at all for he was completely dry there. Now he was beginning to feel even more confused, and the pounding headache he woke up with was making him feel sick to his stomach. _"This isn't right. What the heck is going on?! This...this isn't my semen. It's someone else's... But who's? Who would sleep with me? And how much alcohol did I consume last night at that party?"_

And then something hit him. This wasn't his room, was it? Allen inhaled deeply, hesitating to look over at who was sleeping beside him. When he did finally gain the courage to sneak a peak at the sleeping beauty right next to him, he felt his heart sink to the bottom of his stomach. Long, navy-blue hair was sprawled out across his pillow and behind him on the bed as he laid there, sleeping soundlessly. And for the moment everything was completely silent. His breathing had even stopped as he took it all in. However this did not last long at all, and he found himself shrieking loudly at the realization that he had just been fucked by the one person who hated him the most.

He stumbled out of the bed to try and find his clothes, but it was so damn hard when it was so dark in here. "Shit! I need to get out of here. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!" He muttered to himself, while trying so desperately to find his belongings. Well he can't just run out of here butt-naked, now can he? Just how did this happen? He couldn't remember anything that happened after he got a few drinks in him. Technically he wasn't even supposed to be drinking in the first place! He was still under-aged, and so this never should have happened... And yet it did. Oh how stupid and embarrassed he felt. If anyone finds out about this, they will never let it go.

"Mm..." The darker-haired male shifted in the bed. His eyes opened slightly when he heard the loud shriek. Just who the heck was that? It wasn't possible that someone broke into his room, since he always keeps it locked. And even then, he would have been able to sense someone breaking in here. But at the same time, it was too close to be from the other side of the wall. And just like Allen, he felt that same wet and sticky substance on himself. It was all over his member, and even on the bedding underneath his body. Frowning deeply, he sat up and ran a hand through his messy long hair. Even he could smell something different about this place, and it didn't settle well with him at all.

He was about to kick the blankets back and get up from the bed, until he saw something white in his vision. They narrowed slightly to get a better look at what it was. After a few seconds passed, he was able to see what it belonged to... Or rather _who_ it belonged to, that is. Instantly he felt his blood begin to boil, and he gripped tightly at the blankets that were, thankfully, covering the lower half of his body. "What the hell are you doing here, Moyashi?!" He seethed. To actually break into his bedroom like this really pissed him off. His gaze drifted down to the other's body, and noticed that he too didn't have any clothes on. In fact, it looked like he was trying to _find_ them! His vision is quite good in the darkness, unlike a certain someone he really didn't want to see right now.

Allen froze at the sound of his partner's deep voice. Okay, so maybe he should have been a lot more quiet when laying his eyes on him for the first time. Well, now he can say that he has been inside of Kanda's bedroom. Not a whole lot of people can actually say that, so in a way he felt a little lucky. "I-I don't know, okay?!" He snapped right back at him. "I...I woke up naked, and covered in...in..." He couldn't say it out loud. Just thinking of the word alone made him cringe. This was so humiliating! How could he allow for something like this to happen?

Kanda reached over to turn his beside lamp on, right where he had his lotus flower was sitting, and let his gaze roam over the teen's body once more. And sure enough there was semen all over him... _His_ semen. His body twitched at this, and it seriously felt like he was about to throw up. "Get. Out." He warned through clenched teeth. They just needed to forget that this ever happened to them. If a single soul finds out, then he is screwed. His reputation...gone. It's not like he held any feelings towards him whatsoever, so he had to make it very clear that this was a mistake and nothing more.

Well that hurt.

Purple eyes narrowed as he glared right back at the samurai. "You think I wanted this? That was my firs time drinking! Why didn't anyone stop me?!" He pointed a finger right at him then. "How did I end up in _your_ room of all places? From the look of things, you raped me. You took advantage of me while I was vulnerable, and stole my virginity! You really hate me that much, don't you?! I never would have thought that you would stoop so low as to-"

"Shut up!" Kanda reached over to grab his sword, and actually pulled the long blade out of its sheath. "As if I would want to stick my dick in someone who is cursed! If you tell anyone, I will slice you into pieces. You hear me?!" He was seeing red. Never before has he lost control of his liquor like this. How could he let something like this happen? As he got out of the bed and stood up, he wrapped the sheets around his waist. It was all he had for the time being. Even like this, he would still fight off the Moyashi just to get him out of his bedroom. He couldn't believe that this happened. If he could, he would go back in time and prevent this from happening. He didn't even want to go to that party. Lenalee made him go! She said he would enjoy himself. Well he certainly did not enjoy himself. In fact, it was the complete opposite of that.

"Stupid Moyashi, I was drunk too! Clearly I was so out of it, that I didn't even know who I was bringing up into my room. If so, I would have thrown you off the balcony instead!" He took a step closer toward the naked exorcist then. Right now he really didn't feel like playing any games, and he meant it when he said that he wanted him gone! _"I swear I'm going to kill him!"_ He thought angrily.

Allen brought both of his hands up, and started waving them in front of him. "S-so we didn't know what we were doing then? That's great. It was just a mistake!" He let out a sigh of relief. They were both drunk and slept with each other, not knowing what the heck was going on during the time it was all happening. This means they were both at fault here. "I promise not to tell anyone, Kanda!"

"You better not. Forget that this ever happened. I don't view you as a friend, let alone a lover." Bile rose up in his throat as he said that last part, and he had to swallow hard to force it back down. He stomped over to the window and flung the curtains open, finally letting the morning sun in. As he turned around to face Allen, he couldn't help but notice all of the markings on his body. There were small black and blue blotches all over his skin. As if there wasn't enough scars left on him, and now this just added onto it. He clicked his tongue in annoyance, and balled his hands up into tight fists.

 _"What did I do to him? I want those gone as soon as possible. I don't want to look at them for a second longer!"_ This was proven by him literally turning his head to the side to avoid his gaze. This was just one more thing to add onto his list of regrets. It was already long enough as it is! He sat down on the edge of the bed with his back facing him, and he impatiently shook his leg as he waited for the door to open and close. Only two minutes passed by before he finally heard that glorious sound, which meant he could finally get up and put some clothes on himself. But first he had to do a deep cleanse to get last night's evidence off of him. Never before has he scrubbed his body so much, and so hard at that. But no matter how much soap he used, he still didn't feel clean.

And he wasn't sure if he ever would, to be honest.

* * *

The two exorcists didn't speak a word to each other since that night, and it has been three weeks. Both were relieved that they hadn't gotten a single mission together... Until the day came when they were called into Komui's office. Neither one of them looked thrilled upon hearing who their partner was going to be, but not once did they complain out loud. Instead they complied with the order, and arrived as soon as they could. It was during lunch time, so of course Allen wanted to finish his food before having to leave and deal with that jerk. Everything was going great at first. He had ten plates sitting in front of him, and twenty bowls stacked at both sides. There was already an empty pile that had already started.

But as soon as he bit into something sweet, he gagged, and his stomach churned. As quickly as he could, he stood up and bolted over to the nearest restroom. From there he fell to his knees and heaved up everything he just ate. Allen wasn't used to getting sick. In fact, he couldn't even remember the last time he threw up like this. It felt like hours had passed as he just sat there on the ground, puking his guts up into the porcelain bowl. His skin was pale and clammy, and there was sweat rolling down his face. Still, he couldn't let this prevent him from getting a mission. That is why, when he finally stopped and got back up to his feet, he went over to the sink and splashed some cold water on his face.

"I bit into something bad is all. This will go away by tomorrow, and everything will be fine." He told himself while gazing at his reflection in the mirror. His hand rubbed at his aching stomach, which he found to be very helpful. It helped soothe the pain he was currently feeling. Sighing heavily, he made his way out of the bathroom and headed straight to Komui's office. For some reason his heart was pounding away in his chest. Why was he feeling so nervous all of a sudden? Was it because he was being forced into facing Kanda after all of these weeks have passed by? That must be it. If so, then why? It's not like he cares about him. Okay, so he cared enough to not want anything bad to happen to him. He wished they could be friends, if anything... But that night ruined any possibility of that happening completely.

There can't be anything between them.

 _"Weird. I'm still starving, yet the thought of food makes me feel nauseous."_ Allen couldn't help but pout then, as he stepped into the chief's office. His hand was still on his stomach as he stood there in the doorway, trying his hardest to catch his breath. The sweat was still on his face, as he forgot to wipe it off. Even his knees trembled slightly as they fought to keep his balance. His hand gripped at the door knob, hoping it would prevent him from falling over. Did he perhaps stand up too quickly? Right now he felt so light-headed, and even dizzy. Still, he had to pretend that he was doing just fine. He needed this mission more than anything!

Anything to get out of this place for a little while.

"H-hello, Komui-san. Sorry I kept you waiting..." He didn't even look at Kanda. Didn't acknowledge that he existed, for that matter. Instead he walked right over to the desk, and took a seat on the couch in front of it. He even made sure to distance himself from the samurai as much as he possibly could. His hands lightly gripped at his pants as they rested in his lap. Hopefully no one could hear his heart beating away right now, or could notice the fact that his knuckles were beginning to turn white at how hard he was clutching at the fabric. Being this close to him was seriously messing with him right now, and it was getting a little harder for him to breathe. _"Has it always been this hot in here?"_

Komui blinked a couple of times. "Are you alright, Allen-kun? You don't look so good. I know how much you dislike going on missions with...certain people; but it cannot be avoided." He didn't want to say Kanda's name out loud. It wasn't necessary, since they all knew who he was talking about. "Not only that, but you have kept us waiting for a good while now. We don't have much time to waste as it is."

Allen hung his head low in shame. "I-I know, Komui-san. And I apologize deeply for keeping you waiting... I guess I just, I don't know, ate something expired? Everything I ate is now gone after having taken a bite out of the chocolate cake." He sighed. "It'll pass though. I'm perfectly fine to go on this mission, I promise." As much as he hated going with Kanda, he really did want to go. He has been stuck here for way too long. It would be nice to get some fresh air, and to sight-see.

"Well...alright then. If you say that you are fine, then I believe you. Now, let's begin here." The chief handed them both a map to look at. There were a couple spots circled in red of France, which indicated that there have been some Akuma spotted there. "I need you two to take care of this mess. Lenalee is already out on a mission with Lavi, and Krory went along with Miranda and Marie on another. I have no other trusted exorcists around to do this task for me. Timothy is still just a child, and is new to all of this. He cannot be trusted to go alone quite yet. And to be honest...no one can do a better job than you two paired together. You both seem to work perfectly well when put on the same mission."

He noticed how they both flinched, but paid no attention to it. "I want you both to go to France and eliminate this Akuma problem. If we leave this unattended, their numbers will only continue to grow. We cannot allow for this to happen. So neither one of you come back until you have completed things over there, okay?" Komoi eyed them both with a more serious look on his face, hoping that they understood things without needing to explain things further.

Kanda decided to be the first one to speak up. "I will pack my things then. But if the Moyashi slows me down in the slightest, I am leaving him behind." He muttered. In the corner of his vision, he couldn't help but notice the way that he was rubbing at his stomach. _"Is he going to pass out? Hm, I wouldn't put it past him. He has always been a nuisance. After all this time that has never changed about him. Serves him right for everything that has happened. Hopefully he will be too unwell to join me tomorrow."_ A small smirk appeared on his face while thinking this. Yes, that would be perfect then! He wouldn't mind looking after Timothy, if it meant being away from the one person he really hated right now.

Allen grit his teeth together. "Excuse me?! As if I would slow anyone down, Bakanda!" He snapped. "Maybe _you_ will slow _me_ down! Ever think of that?" No matter how sick he felt right now, that still didn't stop him from picking a fight. It really couldn't be helped with what he had just heard from the other male. It made him want to go out and punch something! "Keh! You think you're so great. I can do that mission all by myself, so you can gladly stay behind!"

"Hm, please do. That way there is a great chance of you coming back in one of those caskets." Kanda stood up and tucked the map in his coat pocket, all the while making his way over to the door. Honestly though? He was fed up with seeing his face everywhere. He can't even eat his soba noodles in peace anymore! It pissed him off to no end that he couldn't just avoid him for a long time, or for good for that matter. Thinking of that night only makes him want to break something. Already he had to throw out his entire bedding, just to get rid of that Moyashi's disgusting scent.

He felt himself being shoved against the wall then, and he turned his head slightly to glare hatefully at the person who did it. "Don't touch me!" He growled. Why was he being so mean? Easy...he wanted Allen to learn his place. He wanted him to understand that there will never be anything between them. The only feelings he holds towards him are: hate and annoyance, nothing else. And those feelings haven't changed ever since he almost sliced him up the first time. All he is, is a cursed man who needs to leave the Order already.

"Or else what, you will kill me? Good to know that you want me dead so badly. After all this time, I really thought that-..." Allen paused to shake his head. "Forget it. You never changed. You're still a jerk, no matter how many times we have saved each other. Should have just let that Akuma kill me that time during our first mission. Don't ever jump in front of me to save me again." He let go and brushed past him, not having anything else to say to him. Why did it hurt so badly? It was like his heart was breaking from what Kanda just said. Would he really be better off dead? "..."

 _"I need to lay down before I puke again."_

Kanda watched as his partner disappeared down the hallway, and reached up to fix his coat. He hated having dirty or wrinkled clothes. "..." Did he really want him dead? Guess he didn't think that one through before saying it so casually. It was both their faults that they wound up in bed together, so why was he putting all of the blame onto Allen? It was easier than accepting the fact that he got drunk enough to sleep with him of all people. And what's worse, is that he actually remembers everything that happened on that night. He dreams of it every single night, actually. Why he does confuses even him. Either way, it was only pissing him off and making him grow even more frustrated. They just needed to complete this mission, no matter how hard it will be for the both of them.

He stormed off into his room and slammed the door shut, making sure to lock it behind him so that he wouldn't get any intruders. Kanda stared at the bed for a long while when he walked up to it, and slowly reached down to touch the mattress. Why couldn't he stop thinking about it? It is forever fried into his brain, and he didn't know what to do about it. One thing was certain though: he needed to keep himself occupied more. The more he distracts himself, the less he will think about screwing Allen senseless. He hated how this all made him feel. He just wanted everything to go back to the way they were. But deep down he knew that such a thing wasn't possible anymore. What's done is done, and there was nothing he could do to change that.

He slept with Allen Walker.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning was brutal on the poor exorcist. It seemed to have all started the moment he opened his eyes, that he got a strange feeling in his stomach. And before he could even fully wake up and get dressed, he found himself running over to the bathroom as fast as he possibly could. For a good hour or so he spent his time just sitting there on the cool-tiled floor, his head resting on the toilet seat as it hung over a bit into the bowl. Every so often he would gag and puke something up, although at this point it was just bile and some dry heaving. It must have been a very long time since he has last gotten sick, because he didn't remember it being this horrible and painful.

His poor stomach ached so badly, he thought for sure that he would be stuck here being unable to get back up to his feet. It felt like hours had passed by. It wasn't until Link knocked on the door to check up on him, that he was finally able to get the help that he so desperately needed. After helping him up, he went right over to the sink to brush his teeth. Of course he just played it off like it was nothing. In his mind, he still believed that it was the cake he had yesterday. What else would cause him to get sick like this? It must be food poisoning, or something along those lines. Either way, he couldn't allow for this to mess up his mission. It may have been with the biggest jerk, but surprisingly that didn't matter too much to him. Sure it will suck having to deal with him, but oh well. It was better than being trapped here another day.

Allen tied his shoulder-length white hair back into a bright red ribbon, and then slowly made his way back into his room. Not much was said between the two as he got ready for the day. All of his essentials were already packed away in a small suitcase, taking as how he was going to be gone for roughly a week or two in France. He could only hope that they were getting separate rooms at whatever hotel they decide to stay at. If he has to share a bed with the same person he slept with, then he will take the floor as far away from him. He would rather sleep on a hard surface, than to sleep so closely to him.

"Is it alright for you to go on this mission, Walker? You look like you are about to pass out." Link chimed in; and he brought it upon himself to stick his hand out press it against the teen's forehead. It wasn't warm at all, which really shocked him. For someone who was just puking his guts up for so long, this sure did confuse him greatly. Why else was his skin so pale? And why was he breathing so hard like he was in a lot of pain? Knowing how stubborn he can be, he chose not to press on the matter. Either way he was going on this mission, and that was final! If only he could get him to change his mind.

And sure enough, he shook his head. A very small smile spread on his lips as he looked back at the blonde, and he gently took his hand off of his forehead. "Thanks Link, but I'm fine. I ate something off yesterday, but it will pass. I don't want anyone worrying about me while I am away." He responded quietly. It's weird, because he has never eaten a single bad piece of food that was made from Jerry. Hopefully this won't happen ever again, because he is the best cook around! It would be a real shame if they had to replace him with someone else, all because he started to slack now of all times.

Link let out a heavy sigh. That response was so like him. Why did he have to be like that? He rubbed at his temples a bit, and then grabbed the suit case. Well he didn't want him to push himself after what all just happened. "Let's get going then. I hear Kanda is already there, waiting." And the last thing anyone wanted to do, was to keep him waiting too long. Everyone has experienced first-hand what it is like to piss the man off, and it wasn't pretty at all. He held the door open and motioned for him to walk out. If he collapses, he wants to be able to catch him before he hits the ground.

Allen gulped, and smiled nervously as he staggered out of the room. It wasn't because he felt weak or anything. He just...felt anxious to face _him_ again. Those words still rang in his mind. He didn't want to believe that he really would be better off dead. Clearly it would be stupid of him to tell Kanda how much it really hurt him. It's not as if a jerk like him would care about his feelings. The way he said it just, grinds his gears. _"Just pretend he didn't tell me to come back in a casket. Pretend that...we didn't sleep together. Just act like things are normal, and that nothing happened between us. Yeah, I can totally do that. This will be a piece of cake!"_

The thought of cake made him gag.

* * *

The train ride to France was absolutely torturous! Even the atmosphere was almost unbearable. It definitely didn't help that things were very quiet, and you could hear just about anything. Both sat across from each other; their gazes either out the window, or at the passengers around them. Neither one of them tried to take a nap. Maybe it is because they simply had too much on their minds. That, or they just weren't tired at all. At least Timcanpy was there to help but a sort of wall between them, what with his constant flying around to help distract the exorcists from picking a fight. It still didn't change the fact that things were uncomfortable though, and that was something he just could not fix.

Kanda, who had been tapping his fingers on his lap for a good while now, finally let his gaze drift over to the younger male. The expression he currently wore was blank; making it impossible to figure out what he was thinking, or what he was feeling. But then again, he has always been a mysterious person to begin with. It is very hard to read him. It's not like he had a problem with the silence before. In fact, he actually preferred it! However this time it really seemed to get on his nerves. For some reason he...hated it. It felt as though he was about to snap and break something.

"Moyashi." He finally said after clearing his throat. What he was about to say wasn't easy for him at all. It isn't something he does, and so he wasn't used to it at all. Was he even approaching this the right way? Regardless of if it was right or wrong, it was his own way of trying to fix what happened the other day. If they are to work together and get things done without any problems or casualties, he needed this fight to end. His eyes never left those bright purple ones, not even for a second as he waited for a response.

"...?" Allen, hesitantly, turned his head so that he could look right back at his partner. The look on his face gave away that he was feeling irritated, but there was also a glint of shock in his eyes. This was very unexpected. He didn't think that they would speak a word to one another for a good while; at least not until they got to France that is. So when he felt that deep, soothing voice cut through the silence like that, it almost made him flinch. His hands were balled up into fists as he just stared at him for a good few seconds. What should he even say to him? He opened his mouth a couple of times to try and speak, but each time nothing came out. His mind was drawing a blank.

His eyes became shadowed by his bangs all of a sudden. _"I don't know what to say to you. It's not like I asked for this to happen! But knowing that you prefer for me to be dead... I don't even know if we can have a normal conversation again. And don't you dare put the blame on me again. I swear if you do, I will make you taste my Crown Clown-"_ His thoughts were interrupted by the stare he was receiving. No, he did not look angry or annoyed with him. As a matter of fact, his face seemed to soften a little as he waited for his response. "..."

"Fine, you do not have to speak. All I ask of you is to simply listen to what I have to say. That isn't so hard, is it?" Those dark eyes bore into the other's, making it quite clear that he was being very serious about this. There weren't any signs whatsoever that he was struggling to talk right now. Mugen was sitting on the spot next to him, and his arms were now crossed over his chest. Actually, his body looked pretty damn relaxed for what he was trying to say. When he saw the other exorcist give him a small nod to keep going, he leaned back against the chair a bit and sighed. This really wasn't going to be easy for him, but it was necessary if he wanted things to be, well, not so awkward and uncomfortable between them. They can't have any distractions during this mission.

 _"He didn't even protest when being called Moyashi. My words affected him that much, huh?"_ Kanda thought. Guess he really should have thought first before opening his big mouth. Yeah they piss each other off, but never to this extent. Things have just been...stressful for him. Ever since that night they woke up naked in the same bed, he hasn't exactly been the same. He was plagued by dreams, and strange feelings whenever looking at the stupid Moyashi. He honestly didn't know what to do about them, and it was about driving him insane at this point! Hopefully he doesn't end up making things worse between them. He has to choose his words much more carefully from here on out.

"Look, I...didn't mean what I said yesterday... About you coming back in a casket, that is. Even I wouldn't want that. Not only are we short on exorcists as it is, but you also didn't deserve to be treated like that. I just can't believe I gave myself away to another person so easily is all. It upsets me that my first time was when I was drunk, and with the last person I ever expected it to be with. I can't believe I got drunk and did something so...stupid. I just want to forget about that night and move on with my life. From here on out I will not take my frustrations out on you, okay?" He said.

Allen blinked a couple of times. Was he perhaps trying to _apologize_? This must be a first for him. And to think it was being done to _him_ of all people! His lips twitched into a grin as he tried not to laugh. "So what you're trying to say, Kanda, is that you're sorry for telling me to come back as a corpse?" Oh this was priceless! He leaned forward a bit to close some distance between them, his grin now turning into a slight smirk. It didn't hurt his feelings that he said all those other things. This is who he is, and he accepted that a long time ago. It really was a stupid thing of them both to get drunk, and to go as far as to bang each other.

"Tch!" The samurai tore his gaze away and stared out the window. Why is he smirking like an idiot? "I am. Do you accept it? Because I am not saying it again..." He muttered. There was just a very faint pink color on his cheeks as he said this. It was embarrassing for him to stoop to this level. Normally he didn't feel sorry for the things he did or said, but this time he _did_ take things too far.

The young teen stared at him for another minute. It was so hard to see his face from this angle. For some reason he really wanted to see it, even though it has never bothered him like this before. His smirk slowly disappeared the longer they sat there in silence. When he spoke up next, his voice was quieter than before. "I don't know how much liquor I can handle. If so, then I never would have let myself get drunk like that... Especially if I knew what the outcome would be. I didn't ask for this to happen, Kanda. Trust me I didn't! Shacking up with someone who doesn't like me isn't something I ever wanted to do. I was...very surprised to wake up in someone else's room, and to find out that it wasn't my bed that I was sleeping on."

He fidgeted with his fingers a bit then, his head hanging sort of low as he stared down at his lap. "I definitely didn't want to wake up in the pain that I was in. Obviously I never had, um...sex before." His cheeks turned red when saying that last part, but he continued anyways. "I wanted my first time to be memorable, and to be special. I wanted to be in _love_ , and to be much older than I am. I'm not even an adult yet, and already I had my virginity stolen from me. So please do not think that this was something I wanted, because it isn't. I am trying my hardest not to think about it. I'm just glad that I can't remember anything in between all the drinks I had, and waking up alongside you."

Kanda twitched. _"You're the lucky one then."_ Still, what he all said made perfect sense to him. Neither one of them asked for this to happen. It did, and there was nothing they could do about it. They just have to continue on with their lives like nothing ever happened. It wasn't an easy thing to do, but eventually it won't be so bad. He shifted in his seat so that he was sitting more upright. "So...do you forgive me, Moyashi?" That was all he wanted to know. And he wasn't going to let this go until he got an answer. He did not say all of this for nothing!

"It's Allen!" The teen snapped. To be honest, his mind just wasn't there before when being called that. This time however, he was fully aware of everything that was being said to him. It was so irritating that he couldn't even say his name. After everything they have been through, you'd think that he would just give it up... But nope. Will he ever change that about himself? Or will this be a forever thing between them? Despite it getting on his nerves, he couldn't complain too much. Things were a little better between them, which meant that this mission will go by a lot smoother.

His eyes softened then, and a smile even formed on his lips while gazing into his eyes. It couldn't be helped. A normal person would stay upset with him for a longer period of time, but not him. It was harder for him to hold a grudge. Plus Kanda seemed sincere when apologizing to him, so he obviously meant everything he said. "I forgive you, Bakanda..." He nearly whispered. This he can handle. Things weren't perfect for them, but they weren't bad either. They were sort of neutral.

A chuckle escaped Allen out of nowhere, and he placed a hand over his mouth to prevent himself from being too loud. "How do you sleep with that hair of yours?" He curiously asked. It was something he couldn't help but notice when he got out of the bed. That long, navy-blue hair had clung itself to his skin like glue, and it looked very uncomfortable. It didn't take a genius to figure out that it was sticking to his sweat and other bodily fluids, but he didn't need to bring that up and ruin the mood all over again.

Kanda raised a brow when he heard this, and his expression went back to being annoyed. At times it did get on his nerves, but this is how it has always been. When Alma pulled him out of that hole, his hair was well past his feet. He ended up getting it cut up to his shoulders to prevent it from getting in the way, but later on chose to grow it out when realizing that he could just tie it back into a ponytail. "Shut it, Moyashi." He huffed out.

The rest of the train ride was silent once more, but only this times things weren't so intense. Both exorcists felt perfectly content with not speaking for the rest of the way, and actually found it to be peaceful. People around them were, thankfully, just as quiet as most of them slept. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of their shoulders. That conversation was much needed. Unfortunately it still doesn't fix things between them. There was still that confusion that will not just go away on its own. And it was something that not Allen or Kanda could just talk about with each other.

When the train finally came to a stop, they stood up and grabbed their luggage. Since it was a short mission, they only needed to pack light. It was a relief being able to get off and walk up to their hotel without seeing any Akuma. Just where were they? Weren't there supposed to be a lot of them clustered about all over France? It was an uneasy feeling once realizing that things were way too peaceful here. It is nice that they don't have to get into a fight right away, but at the same time it just felt way too strange. It felt like Allen's eye should have gone off by now, right? He placed his hand over it as he thought of this. Hopefully his illness wasn't affecting it. If so, then that was going to be troublesome.

They can't take their guard down for a second.

Things only got worse when they made it up to the counter to check in. To their horror, there really was only one bed available for the remaining rooms they had available. Allen had to bite back a groan when slowly taking the key into his hand, and he glanced over at his partner to see how he was reacting to this. "A-at least there's a couch. It's just a matter of _who_ will be sleeping on it..." He chuckled nervously, rubbing at the back of his head. It couldn't be helped though. This is apparently a busy time of the year for France, as this is when people take vacation to come here. It's not like they had the luxury to plan ahead for this, since they literally just heard about this mission yesterday.

Kanda reached over and snatched the key to their room out of his hand, before turning around and walking down the long stretch of hallway. "You are." His head kept turning from left to right to read the numbers on the doors. Luckily they were almost to theirs, so there wasn't much walking involved. He seriously just wanted a nap right now, but on the other hand, knew that they should be out looking for those Akuma. "You are smaller, so you should fit perfectly...Moyashi." He smirked a little.

Allen's eyes widened at this. He didn't waste any time in running after him, and tried his best to steal the key back from him. It was useless though, for he really was smaller. Why did he have to be so damn short?! "I told you, my name is Allen! And you're no fair! Who says I should get the couch, all because I have shorter legs than you? I say we at least take turns. Sooo tonight I will take that warm, cozy bed!"

No response.

This made his eyes narrow with irritation. Oh, this was going to a long mission indeed. "You know what?" He dropped his suit case in front of the door and turned around. "I'm going to find somewhere to eat... And don't you dare pick the same restaurant as me, Bakanda!" And with that he stormed off. His stomach has been growling for a while now, and he was shocked that no one said anything about it. It's not like he was hungry enough to eat breakfast before heading out. Even while on the train, his stomach was still trying to settle itself from what it went through earlier. _"Sharing a bed is out of the question."_ He thought bitterly.


	3. Chapter 3

"BLEEERGHHH!" That was the sound that came from the bathroom as soon as the door was slammed shut. When you get violently sick like that, it was kind of hard to remain quiet. Even if he tried to, it would just end up failing very quickly. And if he ends up waking his partner, then oh well. The guy can just suck it up! It's not like he got stuck sleeping on the uncomfortable couch! They ran into some akuma yesterday, but of course it was easy to take them all out. There hasn't been any real danger as of yet. But then again, it was never said what kind where lurking in these streets. They just had to find them and destroy them, one-by-one.

"Haa...haaa...haaaa...haa..." Allen panted. Sweat rolled down the sides of his face, all the while gripping tightly at the toilet. By now he was starting to think that this wasn't food poisoning at all. It had to be something else! Something more serious. It was a hard thing to realize, since he really didn't want to go to the hospital to get examined. There were better things to do with his time, than to sit in a place like that. This is why he was going to refuse going in for as long as he possibly can. Besides, he can still fight like this! It wasn't bad enough to stop him. When has he ever given up anyways?

A certain samurai would never let it go if he were to do something like that. Last he checked, he was still sleeping peacefully underneath the warm and fluffy blankets. So far this mission was going horribly wrong. Part of him hoped to have a little fun while he was here, but that wasn't happening at all. In fact, he was _suffering_. He lurched forward suddenly, as more of his stomach contents spilled out. Everything he ate the previous night was now coming back up. His stomached ached, and he felt completely drained. Can he even get back up to his feet? A trembling hand reached out to flush the toilet, hoping that he was finished.

Unfortunately he wasn't.

Just as he was in the middle of gagging and heaving whatever was left in his stomach, he heard the door open and hit the wall with great force. It didn't take a genius to figure out who it was, and why they were barging in like this. His eyes closed then, and he braced himself for the upcoming attack he was about to go through. _"Just let it be quick."_ He thought, nervously biting down on his lip. He inhaled sharply, and began to gag some more. It was getting to the point where it was hard to breathe. The pain in his stomach was getting worse, but not by too much, and he felt very light-headed. Perhaps he picked up some weird bug, and was going to be sick for a good few days. That means he could get those around him sick.

"What the hell, moyashi?! You woke me up with your vomiting! Can't you learn to be a little more quiet?!" Kanda snapped angrily. He glared down at him with his arms crossed over his chest. It was hard to get any sleep around here with him being loud like this. If they are to hunt down a lot more akuma, then they need all of the sleep then they can get. Has he ever heard of preserving your energy as much as possible? Losing out on something so important will be bad for them both.

The younger exorcist spit into the toilet, and then turned his head slightly to glare right back at him. Now really wasn't the time to be fighting with each other! It's not like he chose for this to happen to him; and he was just as confused about all of this as he was. "S-shut up! I can't help it. I...I really am sick. I don't know if I can fight like this. M-maybe I should go back." He mumbled in disappointment. Plus he wasn't really needed here anyways. Judging by how strong Kanda is, he can take them all out on his own. There was no real threat here. At least, he didn't think there was.

His eyebrow twitched. "Then why don't you go in to get checked out? Clearly you need to be seen. Do you expect to get better without the proper medication?" He asked with a scoff. This was just great! Well, he really didn't need anyone holding him back. Maybe this was for the best. His icy cold glare remained on him as they stood there in silence. Yeah, there is no way that this is just food poisoning. It had to be something more than that! But he wasn't going to worry about it. This wasn't his problem.

Allen sighed heavily. "B-because it isn't necessary. I don't need to go to the hospital! I-it'll pass. I'm sure I can find something nearby to take in the meantime." What will they do anyways? That's right, he will just be instructed to get plenty of rest and fluids, and to take the basic medicine in order to get better. It was just a waste of his and their time. He hesitated for a brief moment, and then gripped tighter at the toilet as he stood back up. His hands had to quickly find the counter for more support as he stood there, swaying a bit. Once he thought he had regained his composure and was perfectly fine, he turned around to face his partner to say something to him.

Without thinking he turned around a little too quickly, and he lost his balance. That was when everything went black. He wasn't even awake to feel himself fall, or hit the ground. So he didn't know that he hit his head pretty hard on the edge of the counter as he went down, and fell flat on his back. For some reason he just didn't have enough energy to keep himself up. It was like he had been weakened significantly. This illness really was taking its toll on the poor guy. And now he was being a burden to the one person he never wanted to, well, burden.

"...!" Kanda's eyes widened when this happened. Usually he has a much faster reaction time than this, but for some reason he found his feet glued to the floor, finding it difficult to so much as take a step forward. Just what the heck was going on? First the puking, and now having passed out without any warning? This was getting a little weird for him. He won't ever admit it, but his partner was stronger than this. Whatever is going on with him, it had to be really kicking his butt. After standing there speechless for a couple of minutes, he forced himself to walk forward and bent over, picking him up.

Maybe he really should go home after all. At first he was going to just set him down on the couch, but then he realized that he would be better off on something much more comfortable. This is why he set him down on the bed. "..." He looked so sickly. Slowly and carefully, he grasped his wrist to check his pulse. Luckily that seemed to be pretty normal, so there wasn't anything to worry about.

He glanced over at the clock to see how early it was. This time he can't blame it on the moyashi being too hungry. _"Why do I have this strange feeling that something just isn't right with all of this?"_ He thought, deciding to sit down on the edge of the bed right next to him. _"This isn't going to go away anytime soon, is it?"_ His gaze remained on the exorcist's sleeping face for a little while, a part of him hoping that he would just wake up at any minute. But as those minutes turned into a half hour, and that half hour turned into an hour, he began to wonder if he was going to be okay.

This isn't normal.

Well he wasn't going to carry him all the way over to the hospital. As if he needs people questioning him as to why he has an unconscious person slung over his shoulder. They might think something negative, and he really didn't want to deal with that mess right now. Instead he stood up and threw his long hair up into a ponytail, tucked his feet into his boots, and threw on his jacket. He then grabbed mugen and walked over to the door. "Stay there." He ordered, and then disappeared from the room, locking it behind him.

Ever since they slept together, he has been experiencing this odd feeling whenever he thinks or looks at Allen. How does one even describe such a feeling? He couldn't put it into words, and even if he could, he honestly didn't want to. But no matter what happens, he just, for some reason, didn't want him to die or anything like that. That is the only reason why he was setting out to get help for him. Plus the Noah inside of him should help prevent him from dying anyways, so there was nothing to stress over.

He just had to figure out what is going on.

* * *

It has been three hours since he arrived at the hospital. The nurses told him to go sit in the waiting room while they looked him over, but damn this was just taking way too long. What the heck were they doing in there? His foot tapped impatiently on the floor as he just stared at the clock, his eyes following the hand as it just ticked away by the second. Seriously, he could be doing something much more productive than this. The longer he sat here, the more irritated he got. There are akuma out there that need to be destroyed, damn it! Yet here he was, wasting away his time being surrounded by sick and dying people.

"Just you wait..." He grumbled to himself, ignoring the fact that there were people staring at him. No he didn't care about disturbing those around him. This was getting ridiculous! If no one shows up in the next half hour to tell him what the hell is going on, then he is going to bust through each room to find out where his partner is. It really pissed him off when none of the doctors would come with him back to his hotel to check on him. They insisted that the "patient" be brought here so that he could be properly examined and treated. That was a load of crap right there! It's not like his life was in danger...right?

Another minute passed by, when finally someone stepped out into the waiting room and called his name. The look on his face disturbed him, and he didn't hesitate to stand up and go right over to him. What was with that look? "..." The moyashi didn't actually die, did he? His mouth became dry, and he licked at his lips. There was no way something _that_ serious happened to him. It just couldn't have! He opened his mouth to speak, but of course, nothing came out. It was like he couldn't find the right words to say. He completely and utterly speechless.

"Come with me, Yuu Kanda." The doctor instructed, his voice shaking a bit. It was like something had freaked him out, but what? His eyes narrowed slightly as he watched the man turn around and walk down the hallway. He followed shortly after him, maintaining just the right amount of space between them as they made their way to the very last room on the right. There were doctors standing outside of the room and peering inside of the window, pointing at what was inside of the room. They were whispering something amongst them, and as soon as they laid eyes on him, they fell silent and stepped away.

"...?" The heck was that? He decided to shake that off and continued forward, going in the room right after the doctor. There standing before him was Allen himself, and he was hooked up to a bunch of different machines. There was even a mask on his face! And judging by the bandages on his arms, it appears that they have taken some of his blood for testing. He cleared his throat and walked over to stand at his side. So this _is_ serious? His hands twitched at his side as he just stood there, still finding it difficult to speak.

The doctor turned to face him then, and he got almost a little close in his personal space. "It appears that Allen Walker is no longer a virgin. Would you happen to know who slept with him? He is so young, so I doubt he has had different partners." He said in a deep voice. There was a clipboard in his hands, and he had a pen waiting to write stuff down. His eyes bore into his with a creepy look in them.

Kanda's eyebrows scrunched together. "W-what? How do you know such a thing?" Oh no, he couldn't have possibly caught something from him. It's not like he was sleeping around with other people either. Whatever he got definitely had nothing to do with him. He glanced down at Allen, and then back up at the doctor, blinking.

"I am asking you a very serious question here, Kanda-san. I need to know who he slept with. If he was raped, then I would like to find the person responsible for this." He said slowly. If the man before him didn't sleep with him, then he couldn't reveal the test results to him.

This was getting irritating. "No one raped him! Do you really think he would allow for someone to do that to him?" His eyes became shadowed by his bands then, and his hands clenched into tight fists while they rested at his side. This really wasn't an easy thing for him to say, but if it will help the situation here, then he will just have to be as honest as possible. It's not like he will be seeing this guy ever again, so it didn't matter what he knew, or what he thought of him.

"I got drunk...and so did he. The only thing we remember, is...waking up in bed together without any clothes on. It was something neither one of us wanted to happen, but it did, and we would very much like to forget about that night as much as we can. There is no relationship between us, other than the fact that we have to work together. Does that answer your question, _doctor_?" He asked flatly. If word gets out that he slept with a man, then people will think that he is gay, and he wasn't! He likes women! He just...has to.

So his patient didn't sleep with anyone else, other than the man standing before him? Well this was going to be easy? Without saying a single word, he simply pulled Allen's gown up and made sure that the blanket was covering the lower part of his body, and then squirted some gel onto the lower part of his stomach. He then reached out to turn a machine right next to him on. "It's obvious you two didn't use any protection that night, because you both wound up with a little gift in return."

Kanda stared at the screen, his mind going blank. "..." Was that what he thought it was? He began to feel sick to his stomach, and his face paled. Of course he knows what an ultrasound is! He has seen them before, so he wasn't clueless on the subject. He pushed the possibility of what could be wrong with Allen to the back of his mind, and that was obvious by the way he spoke.

"Is there internal bleeding or something? I do not see why _that_ is necessary." Yes, he was choosing to ignore what that doctor just said, about them gaining a gift in return to their drunken one-night stand. It wasn't possible for a man to wind up pregnant, so it just had to be something else. This is why he wasn't reacting quite yet to the news. He was just pushing it all away, and refusing to believe such an absurd thing. This was either a normal illness, or there was something seriously wrong with him- life threatening.

The doctor just chuckled and shook his head. "Walker-san would be in surgery right now if there was any internal bleeding." He explained patiently. It really is a huge shocker, and he couldn't blame the guy for not believing any of this. However, they couldn't afford for either one of them to be ignorant on the matter. This is a very important thing to know and understand!

"His innocence is very...special. Normally when two men sleep with each other, you don't have the stress of accidentally knocking the other up. This case is different though. It appears he has everything that is needed in order to let this baby grow and stay in the womb until it is ready to be born. And that sound you are hearing right now? That is its little heart beating away. It sounds very healthy to me. But if you ask me, I am still in shock over this. I have never seen something like this in my life." He said, his eyes practically glued to the screen now.

Kanda listened to the fast thumping noise that filled the room, and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. _"This isn't happening. This isn't happening. This isn't happening. This isn't-"_ He took a few steps back then. A part of him wanted to run the hell away from all of this, and forget that this was even possible. That the last person he wanted to be with was carrying his child! His head was spinning, and he had to grab at the bars on the side of the bed to prevent himself from falling over. This was too much for him to handle. He needed to get out of here.

"This pregnancy will be very hard on him, Kanda-san. His body isn't meant to bare children, and so he will probably suffer a lot. The morning sickness caused him to pass out because his body isn't adjusting like a woman's would. This will probably feel like the longest nine months of his life, and he will need as much support as he can get. And there is the obvious fact that he cannot deliver this baby naturally, so it will need to be surgically removed. Are you willing to-...?" He watched as the exorcist walked over to the door and swung it open.

"H-hey! Where are you going?!" This young man can't do this on his own. He needs help! He will probably die. Either him or the baby if they are neglected. The doctor glanced back at the screen where the baby was growing, and let out a heavy sigh. Guess it should have been expected, huh? It isn't an easy thing to accept. His partner must need some time to think things over. If that is the case, then he could have just told him.

 _"I won't tell him. That is something you need to do. This is also your child, and so it is your responsibility."_ He turned the machine off and grabbed a washcloth, using it to wipe the gel from the man's stomach. Once that was all done and taken care of, he pushed his shirt down and covered him with the blanket. When he wakes up, he will just tell him to take vitamins for his "illness", and then send him on his way. He really didn't want to get involved in this. All he is, is the guy who found the source of his symptoms. Nothing more, nothing less.

He just wants this to be a success.

As for Kanda, he was so confused and angry. How the heck did something like this happen? They were supposed to act as if this never even happened, and yet there was this... _thing_ as a constant reminder now. It won't let either one of them forget that night. This is something they will have to deal with for the rest of their lives! That is, if the baby even lasts long enough to be carried to term. And if it doesn't die, then maybe the moyashi will. Like the doctor said, his body wasn't built for this. It will be a surprise if he can actually pull something like this off.

How will he react to this? That is something Kanda was curious about. Still, he just kept on running. He kept on running until he was far away from his hotel. Right now he just wanted to be left alone. He needed time to just be alone and think about how his life was changing. This "gift" the doctor spoke of will only be a burden. It won't be accepted. In fact, it'll only be a burden. Knowing someone like Allen, it will definitely have his love- the love of a mother. It probably won't have its father's love though.

Kanda isn't capable of loving. That's just how it is. They won't be this happy, loving family just because a baby is involved. It just doesn't work out that way. It will honestly be for the best that damn doctor removes it from his body. Compared to the life it will have, it will be better off to just never have been born in the first place. Besides, they are both exorcists. They don't have time for this.

Allen needs to get rid of it.

* * *

That night he didn't hear the door open and close, or the footsteps that followed it. Kanda had returned to the hotel he was staying at, after having killed off a bunch of akuma. Well he needed something to take out all of his anger and frustration on! And killing something that wasn't human, or animal-related for that matter, was really satisfying. His clothes were more ruined at this point. There were more cuts and blood splatters all over them, and so that is why he was going to have to send them in to be cleaned and fixed up. For now he will just wear some normal clothes.

Not expecting his roommate to return, he only wore his boxers and a t-shirt. His hair was in a loose ponytail, since he didn't feel like having it cling to him. And when he woke up and remembered everything that happened the day before, he grew irritated all over again. He grabbed one of his pillows and chucked it at the wall. "Damn it." He muttered. How was he supposed to face him? What is he supposed to _say_? He sat there in the bed for a long couple of minutes, his hand coming up to rip the ribbon from his hair and tossing it onto the floor. He ran his fingers through his hair then, getting through all of the tangles.

He just felt so lost.

His entire body flinched at the sound of someone hurling in the bathroom, and his heart about stopped beating when he realized who that could possibly be. Well this was very unexpected. And here he thought that he would be stuck in the hospital for a little bit longer. If only that were true. If so, then he wouldn't have to deal with this already. It was too soon to face him! "I need to get out of here." Kanda yanked his suit case open and pulled a pair of clean pants out of it. He slipped them on, and then pulled out a brush to run through his dark locks.

The next thing he heard though, made his heart sink a little. It sounded like an entire cabinet had fallen over, and inside of it was a bunch of glass. After hearing some tumbling noises and glass shattering, he whirled around and ran over to the bathroom as fast as he possibly could, and what he saw was not good at all. There was still vomit inside the toilet, and there was a lot of it! Not only that, but there were now small cuts all over his partner's arms and legs. Judging by the scene before him, it looked like he was trying to grab onto something while trying to get up, and ended up taking a bunch of stuff with him in the process.

There were shampoo bottles on the floor, and shards of glass all over the place. It didn't take him long to realize that it was from the door-length mirror. What the heck was he doing in here that he caused something like that to happen? This place is a disaster! But most importantly, was _he_ okay? "You need to go back to the Order if you can't keep your shit together, Moyashi!" He snapped angrily. All he could really do right now was lash out on him. It's not like any of this was his fault, and he fully understood that. However, he didn't know how else to react. He didn't know what else to say, or how to feel. So much was going on, and never has he felt so lost and confused.

Allen looked up at him as tears streamed down his face. "M-my name is Allen, you...y-you stupid Bakanda!" He snapped back at him. The doctor didn't tell him anything specific. All he said, was that he had a stomach bug and to take the vitamins he gave him. The label had been ripped off of the bottle, but he didn't think much of it. And when he woke up and saw that his partner wasn't there right beside him, it only made his blood boil. Who does he think he is? He can't even take time out of his so called busy schedule to stay with him? That was just like him. He just doesn't care about anyone else other than himself!

And even now as he sat on the floor bleeding from his cuts, Kanda wasn't doing anything to help him out. He won't admit it out loud, but that hurt a lot. It felt like everything was changing for some reason, and he hated it. There was something going on here. "Excuse me for tripping over a towel with bottles in my arms, falling over, and hitting my head on the mirror in which caused it to break. I wanted to take a damn shower because of how gross I feel, and I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. So sorry that I have a lot on my mind right now. I have to focus on getting better, so that I can join you in the battle field!"

He slowly got back up to his feet and snatched a towel that was on the wrack, using it to wipe some of the blood off of his wounds. "If you are just going to stand there and glare at me, then get the hell out. I don't need you yelling at me when I feel like shit." The young exorcist bit out angrily. "I will be in the shower. If you need to piss, then go somewhere else." He stomped over to Kanda and placed his hand on his chest, using it to literally shove him out of the bathroom and slam the door shut. Once it was locked and he made sure that he wasn't getting back in, he began to strip of his clothes and turned the hot water on.

This was just his luck.

"..." He doesn't know. That shitty doctor never told him what is really wrong with him. That explains why there wasn't a sonogram photo of their unborn child with him. And just to make sure, Kanda searched through all of his belongings to see if he could find one. Sure enough, there wasn't one. There were no traces of the doctor telling him that he is with child. Even his bottle of bills weren't labeled, but he knew that they were vitamins that pregnant women take for the baby. He shook them a bit while gripping hard at it, and then threw them onto the couch.

"Tch. Idiot..." Kanda sit on the edge of his bed with his face in his hands. For a moment he was actually worried about him. It left him feeling beyond confused. He didn't even know what to do with himself. Why was he so worried over someone he didn't care about? "..." If something happens to the baby and he doesn't end up miscarrying it, it could wind up all messed up; and he didn't want to have a deformed baby. If he is going to have a child of his own, then he wants it to be healthy, and to be normal. But at the same time he really doesn't want one to begin with. He doesn't want this being to exist. It will only complicate things not only for them, but for those around them.

The Order will be a mess.

 _"He's going to get fat with my child. A much moodier, annoying, more clingy moyashi with a baby growing inside of him. I can't handle him like that. I absolutely refuse to."_ Allen should just go back to the Order. At least there he won't be in the way making things worse. Maybe he can see Komui, and he can tell him what is going on. It really shouldn't be up to him to strike up such an awkward and uncomfortable conversation. He stared hard at the bathroom door. The sound of water running was sort of soothing, and he took up that opportunity to let that calm him down a bit.

The mother of his child was in there, and soon his stomach will begin to swell and get bigger throughout these nine months. "My head is killing me." He rubbed at his temples in hopes that it will help. All of this wasn't good for his health. "..." Stress isn't good for a pregnant woman either, so he could only imagine how much worse it was for a guy. How much stress can Allen handle, before something serious happens? You can die from having a miscarriage. That's how serious it is.

Kanda didn't actually want him to die. When he said that, he really didn't mean it. It was just a stupid thing that he said in the heat of the moment. As much as he won't admit it, he is a huge help to the Order, and they can't afford to lose another exorcist. If only they had known about this sooner, then maybe they could have done something about it before it was too late- before its heart developed and gained a heartbeat. It is a living human being now. Killing it would be cruel, but what else is there to do? They can't raise a child. Starting a family in their profession was just out of the question.

All of this was suffocating, and once again he found himself running away. He ran, and ran, until he was finally too out of breath to continue. His legs gave out in front of him, and he fell to the floor on his hands and knees. His breathing came out in small gasps, and it felt like everything was spinning. It felt like he was about to pull an Allen and literally pass out right here in the street. He punched at the ground until his hand began to bleed, and he was pretty sure that he hurt something crack; but he ignored that feeling and continued.

His mind was just blank.


	4. Chapter 4

Allen got the bed last night, since his partner never came back from his little outburst. And the cuts he got from the broken mirror weren't deep at all, and so they were already beginning to heal. It's not like he expected him to care or anything like that. It has been made very clear that they weren't even friends. Still, it would have been nice to receive some help. Not only was he getting violently ill every morning, but his energy levels were pretty low. Sometimes he just felt like doing nothing. It was already almost impossible for him to peel himself off of that bathroom floor as it is. If only he had stayed at the Order! Being here was only making him feel worse; and fighting definitely wasn't helping. All of this stress was too much for him.

He sat there in his boxers for a long while, trying to gain the urge to get up and put some clothes on. It took a good hour or so for him to actually get each article of clothing on him, and to fix up his messy bed hair. It was pulled back into a somewhat ponytail with his red ribbon. There were some strands falling out of it, but he just didn't care. He really didn't feel like fixing it, and didn't care what others thought of it either. All he wanted to do was just sleep in that comfy, warm bed some more! But he also knew that he couldn't just waste away the day like that either. He had to do something more productive than that.

Where the heck did Kanda go? And was he even coming back at this point? It was seriously starting to piss him off for some reason. They were supposed to be doing this mission _together_ , and yet he was nowhere to be found. Not only that, but something felt off about him yesterday. It was like something serious was troubling him. What could it possibly be? Well there was only one way to find out: to find him and beat the information out of him. This city is so big as it is. Will he even be able to find him? Maybe if he jumps from building to building he can. That requires a lot of energy though, and that is something he definitely does not have right now. Knowing his luck, he would just fall and hurt himself.

The young exorcist threw his coat on, and made his way out of the bedroom. There wasn't really anyone around at this time since this is when they serve breakfast in the dining hall. And even though his stomach growled loudly, he just didn't feel like eating anything. It was hard to keep certain things down, and he really didn't want his illness to slow him down even more than it already has. It was really kicking his butt! Not to mention there was still a dull ache in his stomach. He proceeded to gently rub at it, hoping that it would help soothe it.

"I feel bloated..." He muttered under his breath. It's not that he gained any weight, but more like he really did feel bloated- like he ate something that caused him to be gassy or something. Weird, because he didn't feel the need to pass gas. There was something going on with his body, and he had no idea what it was. And now that he thinks about it, that doctor was acting a bit off the other day. His hands were all shaky, and he appeared to be sweaty, like he was nervous about something. Just what was he keeping from him?

At least the sun is out and shining brightly! This should help brighten things up a bit, right? It isn't often that he gets to bask in the warmth like this. He even held a content smile on his face as he walked down the sidewalk. Guess he is just going to have to go on his own for the remainder of this mission. Sitting around and waiting for Kanda was pointless, and he finally realizes this. From here on out he will work alone. Besides, this wouldn't be a first for someone like him. When Cross left him behind to fend for himself, he had to do all sorts of things without anyone's help. He is pretty much used to it by now.

So far his "cursed" eye wasn't acting up. Allen scanned his surroundings the further he got away from his hotel building, but still nothing. The faster they get this done, the quicker they get to go back to the Order. At least there he will get the proper treatment for whatever illness he has. He just needs to push through his aches and fatigue, and annihilate as many akuma as he possibly can. "..." What he saw ahead caused him to come to a complete stop, his eyes widening in pure shock.

Was that Kanda sitting at one of the tables just up ahead?

Allen, slowly and quietly, walked closer to where he was at. Now he was feeling curious as to what he was doing all the way out here all by himself. When he got a much better look at his face, his heart sank a little for some reason. The guy looked completely and utterly exhausted! Never has he seen him so...so _defeated._ It was like he had just given up on life in general. His eyes were glazed over as he just stared ahead of him. "...?" He followed his gaze, feeling curious as to what has caught his attention. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary around here. It looked like a simple, harmless town to him.

The only thing he saw, was a pregnant woman sitting just two tables away from his. While she used one hand to sip at her hot tea, she used the other to rub at her large belly. His gaze wandered between the two for a minute, his head tilting to the side. It seems as though she wasn't paying Kanda any attention to his creepy staring. A drop of sweat ran down the side of his face at this, and he smiled nervously. _"What the hell are you doing?! You're going to get yourself in trouble, baka!"_ He shouted in his mind. It's a good thing that he wasn't with him.

Was this seriously what he has been doing ever since he left the hotel? Watching people was just really creepy, and he didn't take Kanda as the type to do something like that. Since when was he interested in anyone other than himself? Not to mention this woman is heavily pregnant, which meant that she is already taken. He couldn't help but smack his forehead, and shake his head in disappointment. This guy is weirder than he thought after all. What is he going to do with him? A heavy sigh escaped him, and he leaned forward again to see what was going to happen next.

Kanda tapped his fingers on the table a bit as he sat there, his eyes practically glued on the woman in front of him. This is how the stupid moyashi will look if he manages to reach the end of his pregnancy: all big, round, and glowing. Just how big was the baby she is carrying? Judging by the size of her belly, it looked like it was going to be huge. Maybe there was more than one in there? That, or he just really doesn't understand what goes on with a woman's body during pregnancy. It's not like he ever had to look into it until now.

His heart began to pound in his chest at the mere sight of her blushing deeply while looking down at her belly, her hands rubbing circles on the sides of it. "...?" Why did she look so happy just now? It was like something happened, but what? He sure didn't see anything. Does this mean Allen will be blushing a lot during his pregnancy too? Knowing him, he probably will. His entire body leaned forward as much as the chair would allow, his eyes widening slightly. Just what is so special about a pregnancy, or a baby for that matter? He saw nothing special in either one of them.

Yet he was entranced by this woman before him.

His eyes closed for a brief moment, and he inhaled deeply. _"Everyone will know that I slept with him. They will know that the very being growing inside of him is mine. He can't hide his growing belly forever. People will notice the change in him as soon as his clothes begin to no longer fit."_ Lenalee especially is going to put him through hell because of this. If she finds out how he really feels about all of this, she will probably want to smack him real good for it. She will think that they can be a happy family with this new addition, despite how the two men feel about each other.

A baby can't change things that much...right?

Not to mention Lavi will poke fun of him as much as he possibly can. Just thinking about the redhead's stupid grin on his face made his eye twitch. Now he didn't feel like drinking at all anymore. If only he had learned to control himself with his alcohol, then this never would have happened. He wouldn't have been thrown in this position. But no matter how he feels, perhaps Allen deserves to know what is going on with his own body. It is up to him to make the decision on what to do, not him. How does he go about telling him though? That shitty doctor should have done the job for him, but he didn't.

Kanda rose from his seat and walked over to the woman. He pulled out a spot right in front of her, and clasped his hands together as they rested in his lap. "I apologize for staring, but...there are some questions I would like to ask you. I will be on my way once I have gotten the answers I want." He explained in his deep, quiet voice. On the outside he looked calm and collected, but it was the complete opposite on the inside.

Blinking, the woman just stared at him for a good few seconds. Sure she noticed him sitting at the other table, but paid no attention as she focused on her tea. And now that he was up close like this, she couldn't help but notice how breathtakingly beautiful he was! If she wasn't already taken and carrying her husband's baby, she would totally go for him. "Q-questions? Um, sure... Go ahead." She mumbled.

He didn't notice that his partner was just behind the building they were sitting at, listening in on his conversation. "...Is your husband happy to become a father?" It was safe to assume that she is married, since she has a ring on her finger. "How did he react upon hearing the news at first?" He asked. Surely it wasn't normal for every single guy to be super happy about such a life-changing thing.

"..." Her eyes slowly softened when he asked her this, and she let her hands rest on top of her belly. "Mm. My husband was...scared when I first told him the news. We had just gotten married, and so I literally got pregnant on our honeymoon. This didn't give us the chance to get settled into our new home. I came back from our trip feeling ill, and when the doctor told me that I was expecting, I felt both nervous and excited. Of course I wanted to start a family with the man I loved more than anything in this world! It just...wasn't planned as all, but that's okay. This baby was obviously meant to be here." She beamed with a deeper blush.

"My husband didn't know what to do at first. He didn't have anything left in our savings, and our business was failing. But...it didn't take long for things to get better. And once I started showing, that is when it fully sank in that there really was a baby growing inside of me... _Our_ baby that we had created together through love. It is such a precious thing, don't you think?" She said, smiling fully at the man before her.

"If anything, this little miracle has brought us even closer than before. He has done so much for me and our unborn child, and I could never thank him enough. It goes to show that some good things just don't go according to plan." She took another sip of her tea when she was done speaking.

Kanda looked down at where her hands were resting, his own twitching in his lap. "My...partner is expecting. They don't know yet, since the doctor only told me. We both have a very dangerous, life-threatening occupation, and so we do not have the time to raise a baby. It isn't even safe for a child to grow up in that kind of environment. How do I tell them? What should they do? We do not love each other, and this baby is only a result of us getting drunk and sleeping with each other. This could...very well kill them, since their body is so small as it is. It isn't built for pregnancy..."

"...?!" Allen's heart nearly stopped beating when he listened to him say all of this. From what he all just said, it sounded exactly like the situation they were currently in. They both got drunk and slept with each other, yet held no feelings for the other whatsoever. But he said that there was a baby involved in all of this. Not only that, but he was just at the hospital the other day, and nothing specific was said to him about his condition. In fact, it only seemed as though things were getting worse.

Was this person Kanda spoke of literally him? Was he trying to say that he is pregnant, and that they couldn't raise a baby in the Order? His eyes slowly traveled down to rest on his own stomach, his hand coming up to press against it. The symptoms he has been experiencing sure did fit those of a pregnancy perfectly! Does this mean that he is carrying his partner's baby? If so, then how? He is a man after all, and men shouldn't be able to carry babies!

"O-Oh God..." He lurched forward and threw up whatever was left in his stomach, all over the side walk. Luckily it wasn't too loud, or else he would have been caught spying on them. Still, he really couldn't believe that this was happening. If this is some sick dream, then could he please wake up from it? It's true, they can't bring a baby into the Order. It was just way too dangerous! Who will look after it when they need to fight? And who will protect it?

"All I can really say to that, is for you to take responsibility. It takes two people to make a baby. So you can be made at her all you want, but it still won't change the fact that it is half yours. It also has your blood running through its veins, and so you need to step up and be a man about this. Do not abandon her to do this all alone. If you don't love her, then surely you at least care about her. You don't want anything to happen to her or the baby she carries." She said.

Kanda however, shook his head. "I kept thinking it would be for the best if...she were to get an abortion." It felt weird calling the moyashi a she, but he can't just tell random people that his male partner was the one expecting their child. "I kept hoping that she would miscarry, since that would be the easy way out. I never took her feelings about this into consideration, and tried to make all of the decisions on my own. But every time I look at her, I feel this urge to just...run away. I left her alone in our hotel room yesterday, and haven't seen her since. I don't even know if she is okay. She might be passed out on the bathroom floor, like before." He mumbled.

The woman reached out to grab his hand, and guided it over to her belly. With her hand on top, she pressed it against the side where her own child was kicking, and smiled warmly at him. "Having a baby is a very scary thing. And when you first find out that you are going to be a parent, you tend to think, say, or even do stuff that you later on regret. It is because your mind is clouded. Just give it some time, okay? I'm sure that things will turn out for the both of you. Maybe this baby is something you needed in order to become closer after all."

"..." He flinched a little when he felt a light tap against the palm of his hand, and immediately withdrew it. Well that was very unexpected! Never has he felt something like that before. And for some reason, he wanted to reach out and touch it again. He wanted to feel the baby inside that large belly squirm under his hand. Instead he kept his distance. "I do not know how to love. Can someone like me...really get attached to something like that? I never had a father myself. I have nothing to go against."

"All you can do is try." She responded quietly. "Just imagine that being your very own baby that you felt just now. You will be in this same situation once the mother of your child gets to be this far along, or even sooner actually. You will definitely feel much happier, knowing that it is your own flesh and blood moving around in there like that. And if she chooses to not have the baby in the end, then all you can do is respect her decision and support her. But I think that you both need to sit down and discuss this with each other. Running away isn't going to solve anything. As a matter of fact, it will only make things worse."

Allen, who had a hand placed over his mouth to prevent himself from gagging loudly, felt his eyes well up with tears. Would it really be possible for them to do this as a team, even though they didn't love each other? This child won't grow up in a normal house hold. It won't know what it is like to come home to both parents. He is in the same boat when it comes to not knowing how to be a parent. He never had a mother, and yet he was going to become one! In just nine months here, they will have to learn how to raise something so small and fragile.

Kanda is trying in his own way to figure out what to do about this. It is true what that woman said though. They really should talk about this, and try to come up with a decision that they both agree on. In the meantime, what should he do? Should he go back to the doctor and see if everything is okay with the baby? Is it growing normally? Will it look like any other ordinary baby? It could very well die before it fully develops, and getting attached and losing something so precious really scares him.

Allen has already lost so much in his short lifetime. The closest person he had to an actual parent was Mana, and even he was now gone from his life. There is no family for him to turn to. This is something they have to decide themselves, which isn't going to be easy at all. And he tried to imagine himself getting all fat because of a tiny human being growing inside of him. Everyone will know what he did! It won't even be long before they find out _who_ he did it with. This never should have happened. If only he had stuck to just actual juice, or tea for that matter! But no, he tried to be an adult when he still has a couple of more years before he reaches adulthood.

"Komui will-...!" What was that just now? It felt like something sharp had just pierced right through him. Looking down at the source of his pain, his eyes widened in horror. A sword had managed to pierce through his back, and all the way out of his stomach. He just stood there, watching as blood seeped through his jacket and ran down his leg. A few seconds later he found himself coughing up blood, and he had to grip the wall of the building to catch his balance. Just as he did this, his cursed eye finally revealed that there was indeed an akuma nearby. But judging by his injury, it was obvious that the enemy was behind him.

 _"The baby!"_ His eyes widened even further upon this realization. Did it get struck with the sharp blade? That's if there really is a baby inside of him. So far he didn't have any proof. He didn't get the chance to go back to the hospital to get checked out. But now he had a sword sticking through him, and it could have killed any possible baby that was in his stomach. How could he have been so stupid to let his guard down? Even when hearing Kanda basically admit to him being pregnant and keeping it from him, he still should have been on the look out for any akuma around the area. Instead he was so lost in his own little world, that he didn't even notice any dark presence around him.

Allen squeezed his eyes tightly shut, as his hands came down to grip at the blade. They trembled slightly to show just how scared and nervous he was about all of this. _"If its dead, is it...for the best? Was this...whole thing meant to just torment me? Can't I ever catch a break?! It's still a human being, no matter how you look at it!"_ He was hurting, and angry. He took a step out into the open so that he could be seen, and suddenly collapsed to his knees. His heart was racing away in his chest, and he felt sick to his stomach all over again. Not only that, but the culprit behind this was hovering right above him. It was a level three, and it had a wicked smirk on its face.

Just then everything went black. Only this time it wasn't for long at all. In fact when he opened his eyes next, he found himself strapped to a chair. It was hard to so much as move his head, since there were also chains wrapped around his neck to prevent him from going anywhere. He sat there in silence, taking the bright and peaceful scenery around him. Where did the tea shop go? Where did Kanda, that woman, and all of the other pedestrians go? It was like he had been thrown into a completely different world. This wasn't even normal. It was almost dream-like, if anything. "...?"

Just then a man appeared out of nowhere. His hair was short and dark, and it matched perfectly with his equally dark skin. His eyes though. They were that signature golden color that all of the Noahs have. You could even see the scar wrapped around his forehead that all the others have. "Tyki? No, you're not Tyki. You can't be him..." His hair was much longer at this point. Not only that, but his was curly unlike this guy's. They just looked really similar is all. So if it isn't him, then who is it? Clearly this is a Noah that he has never met before.

The man gave him a very small smile. It was funny how confused he was. "I am the fourteenth Noah...Nea." He replied. Being stabbed caused him to come out and take control of the exorcist's body. Finally he is getting closer and closer to gaining full control, and being able to confront Mana. He just has to be more patient, and to continue working at this, and then he will get what he wants.

Allen stared at him with wide eyes. So _this_ is the Noah that is making his life difficult? This stupid brothers' quarrel was making his life a living hell. Because of them, the Order is starting to lose their trust in him. "Why are you here? And...why can't I move? I remember being stabbed, and then the next thing I know...I wound up here. Where did everyone go?" He pressed, leaning forward a bit in his chair. This made the chains become tighter around his body, but he didn't care. He just wanted some answers!

Nea continued to smile at him, but he did take a couple of steps forward to close some of the distance between them both. "I think you should be thanking me for steering the blade away from your makeshift womb. If it weren't for me, your little miracle would have been skewered." He said this a little too happily though.

He blanched at that, and his gaze immediately went down to his stomach. Unfortunately his hands were bound to the arms of the chair, so he couldn't touch it even if he wanted to. "S-so...it really is true? I'm...I'm really..." It was so hard to actually say the word out loud. Tears pooled in his eyes once more. This was all way too much for him to take in. Why couldn't things just ever go right for him in his life? It is always something that is dragging him down.

The Noah chuckled. "A baby created by two men. One isn't even an adult yet, and the other has an artificial body. What a sad life it is going to have, growing up with parents like that. But do not worry Allen... I plan on taking over before you even give birth to this child. I will raise it _my_ way." No way was he going to let it grow up to be another one of those exorcists! Once he takes complete control of his body, it'll be his responsibility to raise this baby.

So that is why he saved the baby? How cruel. "W-what do you mean an artificial body? You're just talking nonsense at this point. Do you really think that Kanda will just hand the baby over to a Noah? So even if you took over, he wouldn't let you anywhere near it." He snapped.

He raised a brow at this. "Do you think that man will want this baby at all? Look at what he has done to avoid it... To avoid _you_. It is been made clear that he doesn't want to become a father. He doesn't want a child with someone he dislikes. He isn't ready to have a child now, or in the near future. I don't even think he will ever want one... And yet you expect him to protect it from me? I doubt it. You heard him correctly, didn't you? He wished for an abortion or a miscarriage. He wants it gone."

"...!" It felt like Allen had been stabbed again, only this time right through the heart. His teeth were grinding together at this point, as he was trying his hardest to keep his cool. This just wasn't right at all. What if Kanda really doesn't want anything to do with this baby at all, even when it is further down the road? Will having this baby only cause problems between them? It also wouldn't be fair to the baby itself. To have a father who won't want it... That is just terrible. It made him feel sad!

Before he could so much as open his mouth to respond to that, Nea disappeared. It wasn't just him who left either, but also the entire scenery in general. Does that mean he is waking up? He wasn't so sure. It was hard to tell being stuck in this sort of situation. At least he was finally freed of the chains, and was able to move about freely. His hands didn't hesitate to come down to rest against his stomach then. Just underneath them was a life growing... _Thriving_. Even he doesn't know what to do about it. What is the right thing to do?

He had no idea what was going on in the real world.

"Do you want to save the baby or not, Kanda-san?" The doctor asked. There was a more serious look in his eyes then. Him and his assistants were wheeling the unconscious teen into the emergency room, and there was a lot of blood. If they don't fix him up now, then he will probably die. Then it won't matter what they do with the baby, because it'll die along with him.

"Tch! Why the hell do I have to make that kind of decision? It's not even my body! This should be the Moyashi's decision, not mine!" Kanda was angry and confused right now. It was up to him if their baby lives or dies. But he had to face reality here. His partner wasn't awake to make it for himself, and so it was up to the father of the baby next, no one else's. In his mind it made a lot of sense, but it was still a hard thing to grasp and accept. He was following everyone as they made their way into the emergency room, and he knew very well that he couldn't stay in there while they operated on him. The blade was still lodged into his back and stomach, so he was currently laying on his side. The sheets below him were soaked in blood, and the stains were only getting bigger.

The doctor was growing very impatient with this man. "Kanda-san?! We need an answer right now before we cut him open!" They needed to know if all of their focus will be on Allen's life, or both his and the baby's life. So far there was still a fetal heartbeat, but all of them are uncertain whether or not it will last much longer. So much blood has already been spilled.

Kanda looked down at the young exorcist. Didn't he deserve to know about the baby _before_ losing it? He really does have to think about his feelings too, rather than just his own. He looked away for a few seconds as he tried to come up with an answer. No matter what happens, he really did need to just try and be there for him, no matter what he decides to do about this. For now the baby can be saved, and if Allen wants to get rid of it once he wakes up, then he will respect his decision. But until then he can't just end another human being's life, all because he isn't ready for this. All because he doesn't want it. It just wasn't right, and wasn't fair to either one of them. That is why he gave the answer he did, before turning around and walking away.

"Yes doctor... Save the baby."


	5. Chapter 5

_'What is that beeping noise?'_ For some reason he felt numb. It was like he couldn't move his body at all- like there was a heavy weight holding him down. His eyes slowly opened, and they were met with a pure-white ceiling. And he just laid there for a couple of minutes, blinking away whatever grogginess he had left that was causing his vision to blur. His gaze drifted over to the side where he saw a window, and noticed how late it was. The sun was no longer out, and it was almost pitch-dark. How long has he been asleep for? Where exactly was he anyways? This wasn't his hotel room. And if he had been sent back to the Order, then he would be back in his room. This certainly was not it. However, it did look oddly familiar.

As he moved his head to look at his surroundings, he couldn't help but notice someone sitting in a chair right next to his bedside. There, sitting like a beautiful statue with one leg crossed over the other and a book in his hands, was Kanda himself. His fingers rested against one side of the book while he read the other, his eyes scanning from side-to-side, before flipping the page and repeating the cycle. "..." He felt his stomach flop at the mere sight of him. That is because he began to remember what all happened. Now he realized that he was in a hospital, and it was all because he had been pierced by an Akuma from behind.

It happened because he was sucked into the conversation that changed his life forever. As everything continued to sink in, the more his stomach churned. Allen gripped at it with both of his hands, but carefully as he did not want to harm the being growing inside of him. "K-Kanda..." He murmured hoarsely. His eyes were filled with fear and sadness as he stared at him, his teeth gritting together. Part of him wondered how long he has been sitting here at his side, waiting for him to wake up. Was he even pregnant anymore? Nea said he had moved the blade away from the baby, but he wasn't sure it that still saved it or not. The doctor operating on him could have removed it as well. Anything could have happened while he was out.

But then again, maybe that is why he felt so sick right now. It could be the morning sickness. That, or he was just plain nervous to face the so called father of his baby. Whether it is still in there or not, that still doesn't change the fact that it was Kanda's. He felt his entire body tense up as those cold, dark eyes meet with his. The beeping noise he kept hearing was from the machine he was hooked up to. There were tubes all over him, and even something shoved inside of his nose to help him breathe. Which is weird, because he could breathe perfectly fine on his own.

The samurai didn't know what to say at first, and so that is why he found himself staring at his partner for longer than he should have. When he finally did say something, it came out much softer than he expected. "How much of that conversation did you hear?" He asked. Well he needed to know how to start explaining things to him. And he wasn't sure how long he had been standing there for, since he was so engrossed in what that woman was telling him. There was still a chance that he didn't know. Although judging by the way he was gripping at his stomach, he could already know that there was a baby in there. That must be why he was looking at him that way.

He looked away from him and closed his book, setting it on the table. His arms then crossed over his chest as he sat there. This really couldn't be avoided forever. It had to be done eventually, so might as well get it done and over with while he is bed-bound. Never did he think he would be thrown into this position, so of course he didn't know what to do about it. Sitting here for so many hours definitely wasn't an easy thing for him to do. Thoughts of running away again had filled his mind many times, but he fought that urge every single time. It just wouldn't be fair for him to do that. This is something he had to face, no matter how much he disliked it.

Allen laid his arm over his eyes as soon as he felt them sting with tears. "All of it..." He said quietly. "Well, everything before I blacked out..." It is just his luck that something so shocking wouldn't be a nightmare. It just had to be real, didn't it? How the heck can he raise a child? He was still one himself! His other hand still laid over the lower part of his stomach. It didn't feel any different yet, but he knew that soon it would start to swell. And it will continue to get bigger until he gives birth. That is, if the baby lives that long. His body wasn't made for this. In fact, he has a small frame and hips. It might not even have enough room to grow properly.

A single tear slid down his cheek, but he didn't care to wipe it away. "You should have told me this sooner. This wasn't how I wanted to find out, Kanda! I know that we don't exactly like each other, but I deserved that much." Sure he wouldn't have believed him at first, but that was a given. What guy would be accepting of such huge news? It wasn't normal. This shouldn't even be possible.

Kanda clicked his tongue. "I was still processing it myself. Every morning I woke up and heard you throwing up in that bathroom, I was overcome with disappointment that everything wasn't a dream. I didn't want to face reality, so I...distanced myself from you as much as I possibly could. I couldn't bare to look at you, knowing that you were now carrying my child. I was mad at myself for allowing something like this to happen. I wished I could go back in time and prevent this from ever happening."

"Wow, tell me how you really feel." The younger male muttered flatly. It was expected of him anyways. That is just the type of person he is. "This is my fault too. I'm not even old enough to drink, so I shouldn't have touched that stuff at all... Yet I did, and now look what happened. We wound up sleeping with other and...and..." It was so hard to say it out loud. He is pregnant with that jerk's baby, and there was nothing he could do about it. Getting an abortion was just out of the question. This is still a human being, no matter how you look at it. He removed his arm to look at him then, which revealed a tear-streaked face.

"I-is it, you know...still there? I mean, did it...live through something like that?" He asked more quietly now. If it died, then maybe it would be for the best. If it is still alive and thriving inside of him, then he will have no other choice but to be more careful. And unfortunately he will have to go back to the Order, which means returning without completing the mission. Everyone will find out about his condition, and he will have to prepare for the backlash of it all. Who knows, maybe some will be happy about it. Already he could tell that Lenalee, Lavi, and Krory will all be happy about it. As for Komui? Well, that is a different story that he didn't want to think about right now. He is already wracked with enough nerves as it is.

Those dark eyes of his closed for a brief moment, and when they opened back up, they bore into his partner's with a more serious look in them. "I told that doctor to save the baby. When he came to get me after your surgery, he said that the blade had missed it completely. So yes, it is still alive. He says it is very healthy, in fact..." He explained.

"...!" This made Allen's heart jump. Did he just hear that correctly? His eyes widened in pure shock as he just stared back at him for a minute, feeling utterly speechless at what he had just heard. _He_ told him to save their child? That just didn't sound right. But then again, when has he ever lied? This is a serious matter on top of it, so he highly doubted that he would be making something like that up. "You...did what?" He muttered.

"Tch! You heard what I said, moyashi." Kanda didn't like repeating himself. Everyone knows that. "Don't get me wrong, I didn't care if it lived or died. I really did want you to get rid of it... But since you weren't awake to make that decision, I made it for you, knowing that you would probably want it to live. It really isn't about what I want, but what you want as well." He explained, turning his gaze ahead of him as he just stared blankly at nothing. "This doesn't make us a family. I will take responsibility in helping you raise it, but that is it. I am the father, and that is it. I am nothing more to you than just a partner."

Why did it hurt to hear that? It was like his hand had clutched at his heart, and was getting ready to rip it right out of his chest. It almost made him gasp! "...I know. This isn't going to be some kind of fairytale story with a happy ending, I get that. It is a good thing to hear that you won't just abandon our...c-child..." His eyes slowly drifted down to his flat stomach, and he ran his fingertips just underneath his bellybutton. This was all so weird to him. He really is pregnant! When will it sink in fully, he wondered.

The older male just sat there and watched as he did this. There was nothing to feel yet. In fact, his stomach was still as flat as ever. It was still interesting to see him being so affectionate toward the unborn child. Give it to the moyashi to be all motherly right away. "I can't guarantee anything. Do not expect for me to be the best father. I don't want this holding me back from my goal, so you will have to take care of yourself for the most part. You have your annoying friends to depend on anyways. I am an exorcist, and so I will not put everything on hold for something I don't even want in the first place."

Another jab to the heart. Allen's eyes narrowed for a split second, but he was quick to change the expression on his face to a more blank one. "Whatever. It's not like I expected you to care anyways. It's enough, knowing that you will be a father to it once it is here." He grasped at the wires that were connected to him, and yanked them out of his skin. Being stuck here with that jerk was only pissing him off. It wasn't pleasant just laying here listening to him rant about how much he didn't want this child, and that they were never going to be together to try and make this work.

"I'm going back home. Just stay here and carry out the mission. I will...explain everything to Komui." His eyebrow twitched while saying that, and he inhaled deeply. The thought of his reaction alone was enough to make him feel nervous. Still, he can't just keep this sort of thing from everyone. They will definitely notice his stomach getting bigger as the baby grows. "...I won't bug you, unless it is to fill you in on appointments. You don't have to come if you don't want to; but I won't just keep you in the dark about something that has your blood running through its veins." He slid off of the bed and went right over to his clothes. The shirt was different, and he could only assume that a new one was bought for him since his other one was torn and filled with blood from the stab wound.

Kanda pinched the bridge of his nose, and let out a heavy sigh. "The back of your gown is open, moyashi! Don't just carelessly walk around with your ass hanging out!" He snapped in annoyance. Still, why did he find himself blushing? He could tell by the warmth that washed over his face. This is why he was facing away from him now. Oh how he hated feeling this way. If only things could go back to the way they were before all of this happened. This all could have easily been avoided, had they been more careful.

Allen just flipped him off as he made his way into the bathroom, and slammed the door shut behind him. Honestly, what the hell is wrong with him? He looked back and saw that his hospital gown was in fact, open. Oh well, he is changing into his regular clothes anyways. After yanking it off and throwing it onto the ground, he threw his pants and shirt on, slowly buttoning his shirt as he stood there in front of the mirror. "..."

He turned to the side as he stared at his reflection, and pushed his stomach out as much as he could. His hand came up to run over the small bump, and after a few seconds passed by, he let out all the air and allowed his hand drop back down to rest at his side. It was now flat again, but soon it won't just go back to this. Once he starts showing, that is it. There is no going back. A small baby bump will turn into a big belly- like he had swallowed a watermelon or something. Just picturing himself all big and round like that made his heart race, and he placed his hand over his chest to try and calm himself down.

Shit. He's having Kanda's baby.

His breathing came out in short breaths, and he could feel everything around him spinning. He didn't realize it yet, but he was hyperventilating. All of this was just too much for him to handle. Allen quickly gripped at the counter to keep his balance steady, since he really couldn't afford to pass out again. "Damn it!" He hissed out. This baby of theirs was going to be so breathtakingly beautiful, and he wasn't sure how he was going to handle it. Tears pooled in his eyes once more, and like before, they spilled over and ran down his pale cheeks.

 _'I'm so sorry little one. I wish I could give you a better life- a family that you deserve. A mother who knows what he is doing, and a father who loves you and would do anything for you...'_ He thought with his eyes closed. Right now he was trying to focus on his breathing. Passing out right now would just be horrible. No need for it to happen a second time all in one day! Plus traveling while light-headed like this wasn't a good idea either, so he really needed to gather himself together and keep his cool. Anything could happen at this point. And who knows, maybe the Order will make him get rid of it. If that is the case, then he might have to fight anyone who tries to touch him with a scalpel. This is the only family he has left, and he absolutely refused to let anyone take it away from him. It may be a piece of someone who hates him, but that didn't matter. This child is innocent.

If only he had Kanda's support in this. Instead he was just going to show up here and there to see how the baby is doing. There won't be any affection between them. His eyes saddened as he thought about that. "I don't hate him though..." He whispered. It is hard to put a word on his feelings towards him. Even he is confused about it! Still, this wasn't how he pictured starting his own family. He always thought he would fall in love, get married, and get his wife pregnant. Instead he slept with his rival and got knocked up with his child. This was all done in the wrong order. Not only that, but he was still so young! He had his whole life ahead of him, and now he can't even be an exorcist until it is born.

Traveling back wasn't going to be easy if he stumbles across more Akuma, but he can't expect his partner to help him out. No, he won't ask anything out of him. This is something he will have to do on his own. Sighing, he ran a comb through his hair and tied it back with a red hair tie. He then threw on his jacket, slipped on his boots, and stepped out of the bathroom. And as Allen walked over to the door to leave, he not once looked at the samurai. Instead he just stared ahead of him like there wasn't even anyone else in the room, and made his way down the hallway. Now he will understand what it is like to be a single mother. Is he capable of pulling something like this off? Only time will tell.

Kanda didn't say anything either when he left the room. So that's it then? He is going back to the Order on his own? Telling Komui about the pregnancy won't be an easy thing to do, and he might not react in the best way. He didn't even want anyone knowing that he is the father. Unfortunately he can't avoid that, and will just have to suck it up. He simply grabbed his bag and left, going in the opposite direction. This is how it is supposed to be. Men shouldn't be together anyways, right? It was just wrong.

His heart belongs to someone else anyways. Even with this second life he has been given, he still can't give up on the woman he fell in love with so long ago. It is the reason why he had to kill Alma in order to keep moving forward. If he allowed him to die along with his childhood best friend, then he wouldn't have been given the opportunity to find her whereabouts. If his soul was placed in another body, then surely hers was too! So that means she is out there somewhere, looking for him as well. And hopefully someday they will meet again, and be together. So no, he can't let some baby hold him back of achieving his purpose for living.

* * *

The train ride back to the Order was a long one. Allen's eyes were practically glued onto the seat in front of him the entire time, wishing that he had someone to talk to. He is going through a lot right now, and was hurting both mentally and physically because of it. _'Why do I wish that Bakanda were here with me right now?'_ He would often think. And each time he popped up in his mind, he would softly bite down on his lip as if he were in pain. Those words his partner said were harsh, but true at the same time. A baby doesn't always bring people together like it should, and that is something he just had to accept.

When the train finally made its last stop for him to get off on, he took one last glance at that empty seat before grabbing his belongings and making his way to the front to get off. He carefully stepped off and took the usual route to the Order. The whole time he tried to think of different ways to tell everyone about his condition, and how it happened. Everyone will assume that he and Kanda are now together because of it, and each time he will have to explain their situation. His hands twitched the more he thought deeply into it, and he reached up to scratch the back of his head. "Jeez..." He mumbled.

The wound on his stomach was doing perfectly fine. If he moves the wrong way, he won't even rip the stitches open. That doctor did an amazing job at sewing him closed. Of course he wondered how he reacted upon returning to an empty bed, but he wasn't going to worry about it. There were more important things to focus on. He nervously tugged at his jacket, and actually buttoned it closed to try and hide his stomach. It made no sense since he wasn't showing yet, but still, he felt the need to do so anyways. He didn't want people staring at it. This whole thing was only making him feel very uncomfortable.

It wasn't long before he saw the building before him, and he immediately slowed his pace. At this point it just felt like his heart was going to burst from his chest. _'I don't know if I can do this. I...I am not ready to tell anyone.'_ Allen stopped just outside the entrance to the Order, and just stood there for a long while as he tried to muster up the courage to walk inside. They will all question why he came back so soon, and without Kanda. What should he even say? He didn't even want to think about that stupid jerk. It made him feel sick to his stomach.

He placed his hand on the door and leaned forward, trying to catch his breath. This really couldn't be good for the baby, but it couldn't be helped. The young exorcist slowly sank to his knees when he felt his legs begin to tremble, but not once did he try to open it. Instead he sat there in the dirt, not caring if his pants got dirty. Saying something and actually doing it were two different things. This is something he wished he had realized sooner. Why did he think he could just barge on in here and tell everyone that he is pregnant? It wasn't that easy, and he shouldn't have expected it to be. People won't look at him the same anymore once they find out.

What should he do?!

 _"You're pathetic."_ He heard a voice say. It was the same one that belonged to that damn Noah who was trying to take over his body. His eyes widened, and he braced himself for that pain to take over. It always felt like his insides were twisting about, and it made him cough up blood every single time. As he sat there and waited, and waited, he noticed that it never came. There was no pain, or blood for that matter. But another word wasn't said from Nea. Can he only say so much like this? That would explain why he couldn't communicate better with him.

Allen glared then. "Says the person who doesn't have a real body!" He snapped angrily. This is the last thing he needed right now. Now he is sharing his own with two people, rather than one. A lot is going on inside of him, and he wasn't sure how much he would be able to handle. When will be his snapping point? He got back up to his feet and grabbed onto the door knob, swinging the door open roughly. He really wasn't in the mood now, all thanks to that stupid Noah. How dare he interfere with his business!

"You should have prevented this from happening. I bet you just sat back and enjoyed it, didn't you?" He bit out through clenched teeth. Nea could have easily taken over during Allen's drunken state, but instead he chose not to. He must really love to torture him, huh? If only he could beat the crap out of him! There was no response. Although he could have sworn he heard a deep chuckle. It was very faint, like you really had to pay attention in order to hear it. His thoughts were interrupted when he was stopped by his redheaded friend. All he could do was stare at him.

Lavi placed a hand on his hip, a grin plastered on his face as he greeted his friend. "Back so soon? I shouldn't be surprised. I bet you kicked those Akumas' butts!" He stated proudly. "You look a little pale though. Do you need help getting to your room? I can assist you..." He suggested, leaning in a little to get a closer look at his face.

"...!" Allen took a step back as soon as he did this. "I-... Thank you, Lavi. That is very kind of you to offer. I apologize for saying this, but...I would like to be left alone. A lot happened while I was away, and so I just want to go in my room and stay in there for a while. Tell Komui that Kanda hasn't completed the mission yet, and will return soon..." He mumbled, and brushed past him.

This made him frown. "A-Allen wait! What do you mean he's still back there? I have never seen you give up on a mission before. What is going on?" He ran up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, hoping to get some more information out of him. This just didn't seem right to him. What the heck was going on? His eyes widened when his hand was smacked away. It was something he never expected his friend to do. And when he was met with those eyes of his, he froze in his spot. What was that look for?! It was almost like he was soulless. Like he had lost a part of himself on that mission.

"Lavi, please. I wish to not talk about it right now. Just know that things have changed. I made a huge mistake that I cannot fix; and so I just really want to be left alone. But just know that I cannot be an exorcist for a long time because of it..." With that he turned back around and quickened his pace. Last thing he wanted, was to be stopped by yet another person to harass him with more questions. Because of his condition, he was beginning to shut people out. Being alone was better than getting hurt. No one can help him now. Even Nea was laughing at him.

Nea let him get drunk and sleep with Kanda, knowing that he would wind up pregnant. It is all just a game to him, and he won. When he finally made it to his bedroom, he locked the door behind him and threw his suitcase against the wall. There was so much frustration and anger building up inside him that he wanted to let out, but didn't know how to go about doing it. Instead he just flopped onto his bed, covering his face with his hands and letting out a loud groan. He is supposed to report to Komui first. That is the rules. Yet here he is, hiding from everyone.

"I am not pathetic." Allen whispered. He grabbed one of his pillows and pressed it against his face, but he only did this to try and mask the loud sobs he was making. His master would laugh in his face if he were here right now. Heck, he'd probably punish him if he knew what he all did these past few weeks. Drinking, having sex, and winding up pregnant? Yeah, he would be furious. Luckily he wasn't around right now. He rolled over onto his side and curled up into a ball, continuing to cry into his pillow. These hormones were starting to take its toll on him. No matter how hard he tried to stop the tears from flowing down his face, he just couldn't.

Everything was falling apart.

* * *

 **Author's note:** I apologize for disappearing! My brother put on JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, and I immediately got hooked! Now I am currently watching Hunter x Hunter. I have 100 episodes to go! x'D It's getting so good thoughhh. Lol but anyways, this may not be the best chapter, and again I am sorry for that. I haven't written anything in a while, so I'm a bit rusty. I have been so busy lately! Now I am going to try and focus on opening up my own store on Etsy or Ebay to sell my own beauty products. So I will also be crafting a lot. But don't worry! I will still write~ Just sometimes I may struggle to actually upload something.


	6. Chapter 6

**Allen's POV**

I sat there on the bathroom floor while rubbing my aching stomach, the strong smell of vomit burning my nose. It was all over my lips and dripped down my chin, getting all over my shirt. Luckily it was just one that I slept in, so it wasn't anything special to worry about. My head leans back to rest against the cool, hard wall, and I close my eyes to try and relax myself. One thing was certain: I am definitely still pregnant. This baby is a little fighter, isn't it? It must be just as stubborn as me. If that is the case, then it won't have any problem making it to full term. Sighing a little, I push my shirt up a little so that my hand could connect with the warm skin. My fingertips lightly grazed over my abs, and I realized that in just a couple of months, these will be completely gone. They will be replaced with a round belly, as my baby continues to grow inside of me.

My teeth softly sank into my bottom lip as my nerves began to kick in. How will I be able to afford new clothes if I can't go on anymore missions? Suppose I shouldn't be worrying about something like this, huh? Maybe I can get that stupid jerk to pay for them, since he is the one who knocked me up in the first place. "..." Just thinking about him made me want to break something. How can he act so cold about this? Sure he can hate me all he wants, but this is still his flesh and blood. He can't just turn his own family away like this! I get that he won't be there for me that much during this pregnancy, but I still kind of wish that he would. I don't know, maybe I keep hoping for a miracle or something? That he will just up and change his mind, and will drop everything to be with me.

Maybe I really am pathetic.

"Urgh." I force myself up with the help of the toilet, and reach out to flush it. Standing up like this was hard for me to do, since I felt so weak from puking my guts up. But if I leave without getting this awful taste out of my mouth, then it will just make my mood even worse. I quickly got my toothbrush and toothpaste, slapped it all together, and ran it over my teeth to get all of that nasty gunk off of them. I then swish some mouthwash to help make sure that none of that taste lingered, spit it out, and then made my way back into my bedroom. I sat down on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands, trying to think of what to do next. The way I treated Lavi yesterday was inexcusable! I hope he can forgive me.

It's not like I am purposely trying to be a nervous wreck here; and crying my eyes out yesterday was definitely something I normally don't do. For some reason I felt all of these emotions inside of me that had to be let out, and crying like that helped me feel a little better. I grab my pillow and chuck it at the wall angrily. "Damn you, Kanda!" I grumble out. While he is away having fun on his mission destroying Akuma, I am stuck here in this room all alone. It honestly made me want to punch him in the face real hard. My hands balled up into fists at the mere thought of it.

Why do I care so much anyways? Why did I feel so...disappointed when he told me how he really felt about all of this? He has made it quite clear that this doesn't make us a family. It doesn't now, nor will it ever. Plus he doesn't even want this baby in the first place, and is basically forcing himself to help out since it is his responsibility. Maybe I should just tell him to stay out of its life completely, since it is such a burden to him. I'm not exactly happy about this either. He is not the one who has to go through all of this! Yet there he sits, complaining about it like he is the one hurting. It makes me feel so angry.

"Ahh!" I cry out. My hands immediately gripped at my stomach as soon as I felt a terrible pain in it, and I slouched forward a bit. This isn't the normal ache I get after going through my daily morning sickness. Sure it hurts a little, but it was nothing compared to this! I needed to get help before this ends badly. Women can die having a miscarriage. I'm not ready to die! And as much as I hate my situation, I don't want my own child to suffer. I brought one of my hands out to place against my bedside table, and very slowly get back up to my feet. I take a careful step forward, and as soon as I do this, I cough up a bunch of blood. "...?!"

What the heck? Am I bleeding internally now?! "N-no, I can't... Not now..." I rasp out, taking another step forward. My legs give out from beneath me, and I end up taking out everything in my path. My lamp came crashing down onto the floor, causing the stand to shatter into small pieces. Not only that, but all of my other belongings came crashing down along with me. And I just lay there in this newly made mess, all curled up into a fetal position as I tried my hardest not to scream. How am I supposed to get back up from this? My body is warn out. I do not have the energy to force myself back up.

I am weak.

I didn't move at all when I heard the door swing open. It was clear that it was Link who was calling out to me, but I didn't respond. I didn't even lift my head up to look at him. I was so out of it at this point, as the pain was taking its toll on me. I did, however, grunt out in pain when it felt as though my insides were twisting about. I couldn't help but notice the blood on the floor that had been coming out of my mouth, and closed my eyes. Even my body went completely limp when I was being lifted up into his strong arms. My head lolled back as I lay there, letting out another weak cough. Will this pregnancy kill me? It sure felt like it.

"Hang in there, Walker-san!" I hear him shout as he ran down the long stretch of hallway. The lights were so bright. So bright, that it forced me into having to close my eyes. Finally I allowed my gaze to drift over to him, and blinked. There was a look of both fear and concern written all over his face, and I couldn't help but frown. Was he worried about me? It's not that he is a terrible person or anything. The man was just doing his job, and so I can't hold what he does against him- even when he acts like a total stalker. Where was he when I got myself drunk, and wound up in this position? That was a time when I needed him the most- to prevent something like this from happening in the first place.

I was eventually brought into the medical ward, where I was then taken by someone else and rushed off into the emergency room. Where they going to cut me open again? I really didn't want that to happen. This realization caused me to freak out a little, and I grasped at the nurse's arm tightly. "P-preg...nant..." I say quietly. "I am...I'm...pregnant..." It was so hard to speak when in so much pain like this. At least I wasn't bleeding anymore. Was it just a one-time thing? If so, then that was a good thing, right? Although it was too soon to speak. Anything can happen.

My heart sinks when the nurse looks at me as though I am stupid, and she rips my hand off of her arm. "Do not be silly, Allen-san. Men cannot bare children." She says in an irritated-tone of voice. This doesn't make me give up though. I can't just allow them to just carelessly dig around inside of me, and make things worse just because they refused to believe what I had to say. Now I was the one growing irritated! My fingernails practically dig into the flesh of her arm as I gripped at her for the life of me. I gave her a pleading look, like this was seriously no joke here.

"I-Innocence..." I mumbled. "Check for...y-yourself..." It is uncertain what will happen after they find the baby growing inside of me. They might just bring it upon themselves to remove it. And if that happens, then I will never be able to forgive them. This wasn't their decision to make. This is my body, and my baby! I will decide what happens with this. I stare intensely into her eyes in hopes that she will take my word, and check to see if there is anything odd inside of my belly. It isn't a mass or anything life-threatening like that, but rather an actual human being.

Her gaze locks onto mine for a brief moment, as we just stay there in an awkward silence. I could tell how frustrated she was getting with me, but I didn't care. Besides, the pain was slowly starting to go away anyways. That's a good thing, right? I still wasn't sure if the baby was even still in there or not. What if I really did lose it? Oh god, what if it's in my boxers?! My body freezes, and my face pales. I'm afraid to do or say anything. My hand finally lets go of her arm, and it falls back down to rest over my stomach. I don't want to see it if it really is there. Seeing my dead, underdeveloped baby would just really mess me up for the rest of my life. "Please..."

The nurse takes a step back to check out her arm, and rolls her eyes at me. "Fine. You're absolutely delusional... But I cannot deny a patient's demand like this, despite how ridiculous it sounds." She said distastefully, before turning to face her coworkers. "Bring in the ultrasound. I need to check for internal bleeding!" I glance over at the other nurses, and notice how quickly they work to go and grab it. I blinked a couple of times at what she had just said, feeling confused as to why she lied to them.

Okay, so it wasn't a total lie. Maybe he really was bleeding internally! But the real reason she asked for that machine, was to check on the baby. _'If there is even still a baby in there...'_ I think with my eyes closed. My hand was laid protectively over the lower part of my stomach, and for some reason I refused to move it until things were set up for me. I can feel the tears in my eyes, and I force myself to push them back. Right now really wasn't the time to act like a literal baby.

I rub tenderly at it, as if to soothe the baby that is hopefully still growing safely in my womb. The fact that this is a piece of Kanda that I will always have, only made me want it even more. Sometimes I wonder if I have deeper feelings for him, and feeling this way has made me more confused about them. As of right now there was only a dull ache. Compared to how it felt a few minutes ago, this was a whole lot better. Were things really getting better though? It was too soon to feel hopeful. I roll my head to the side to stare at the nurse who I told my condition to, and noticed how she kept glancing over in my direction. "..."

It wasn't long before the large machine was wheeled into the room. As soon as I looked right at it, my heart skipped a beat. I haven't had the luxury of seeing my unborn child on that screen, unlike Kanda. But then again, I left that hospital before I even got the chance to be offered such a thing. My nerves only got worse when my shirt was pushed up and over my head. Now that it was completely off, for some odd reason I felt so exposed. Sure I wasn't showing or anything, but that still didn't change how I felt. I fought the urge to cover up my stomach with my arms, and that is because I knew how important this was.

"B-be gentle..." I continue to whisper, as I gaze up at that very same nurse. She just gave me a small nod, and walked over to me with a tube of something in her hand. After uncapping it and setting that aside, she brought it down to squirt some really cold gel-looking stuff onto my stomach. This made me flinch at the uncomfortable feeling. "W-what is that?!" I asked a bit louder.

"It is part of getting an ultrasound. Without it, we cannot see inside of you. This won't be long..." She explained, reaching behind her so that she could turn the machine on. So far there wasn't anything on there. But as soon as that wand pressed into my stomach, something showed up on it right away. It was so hard to tell what it was, but deep down I knew it was an image of inside belly. Before anything could be pointed out to me, I saw a small, blurry dot on the screen. My mouth hung open as I just lay there, completely speechless. And I could tell by the look on all of the nurses' faces that they were as equally shocked as I was, if not more.

"A-Allen-san, you...you really are expecting." I hear that older nurse choke out. So this means my baby is still in there? That what I was looking at really was it? Unfortunately it didn't look like a baby, but I knew that it will once it gets much bigger. For now it was still trying to develop for the most part. My hands began to tremble a little the longer I stared at it.

"What is that sound?" It felt like I should know it, but just couldn't put my finger on it. My eyes were practically glued onto the screen, as I found it nearly impossible to look away from my tiny baby. This really was happening. Just seeing this made all of this sink in much, much more. I'm going to be a mother in roughly nine months, and Kanda didn't even want it to begin with. He has no idea this was even happening in the first place. He is probably sipping tea in a really nice tea shop in between killing off Akuma.

Damn that Bakanda!

The nurse, who still wore a shocked look on her face, slowly replied to me. "That is the baby's heartbeat you are hearing. From what I can tell, it sounds very healthy. It seems as though it is doing just fine in there. It doesn't surprise me that you are having such terrible stomach pains though. Allen-san, your body is trying to make room for your growing baby. And since a man's body wasn't meant to bare children like this, you are having a harder time adjusting to this. That would explain why you bled a little. Not only that, but you have a smaller frame. If you have too many complications, we might have to take it out sooner than nine months."

My eyes saddened as I listened to all of this. So my body can't handle these changes then? That I am bleeding because it is too much strain on me? And knowing my baby might not make it to the ninth month really made me feel depressed. "I-I don't care what this puts me through! Just...just please, save my baby from suffering. I don't care if this causes me pain, or to be sick a lot. I just care what happens to someone who is so innocent. It deserves a shot at life!"

"..." She just stared at me for a minute. When she spoke up next, her voice was much softer than before. "You have already grown attached to this baby, haven't you...Allen-san? That is perfectly normal. When you have another being growing inside of you, you can't help but love it right away. I can tell this is something you didn't want, but it is happening, and you really do not want anything to happen to it."

I covered my eyes with my hands, and drew in a long breath. After holding it in for a few seconds, I slowly let it out. "This is my only family. You can't blame me for growing attached to it already. And you are right, this was an accident. I didn't even know this was possible. I slept with someone who hates me, and this is the result of that." I peered through an opening of my fingers to see my baby once more, and focused on its fast, calming heartbeat.

 _'It has a heartbeat.'_

"But I refuse to take out my anger on it. Not like my baby asked for this to happen. It didn't ask to exist. This is mine and its father's fault, and so we will take responsibly for it. Even though we are exorcists, we will try our best to make this work. I just need to make sure that it continues to stay healthy for the remainder of my pregnancy. Can you help me with that? I am...willing to do anything." I said. All the other nurses haven't said a single word about all of this, and I could tell that they were still trying to process all of this. That is fine. It is a shocking thing to take in all at once.

That is, until one of them stepped forward to hand me a bottle. "Take these every single day, okay? They are vitamins for the baby. It will help your baby stay strong and healthy until it is born. But it also depends on your diet, and how you treat yourself. Don't live off of junk food. Snack in between meals to help with morning sickness, stay hydrated, and get lots of sleep at night. Take naps throughout the day too! Pushing yourself, and stressing out is really bad for both you and the baby. So try to prevent those things from happening." She explained.

I turned my gaze to her, and then down at the bottle that was now in my hand. "Since you are a guy, you must come in more frequently for appointments. We will give you an ultrasound every time, and will run tests to make sure that both you and the baby are healthy and doing fine." She continued to explain. This made me smile a little. I felt so grateful that they were even helping us out in the first place, when they really didn't have to. Not once did they suggest to get rid of it, and I loved that.

"Putting on some weight is good for the baby. It will make more room for it to grow and thrive within you, Allen-san. For now since you just experienced such intense stomach pain, I suggest you go straight to the cafeteria and load up on a lot of carbs... Anything that will really stick with you, and help you pack on a few good pounds. And when your clothes no longer fit you, that is a good thing. That means your baby is getting bigger!" I flinched again when she began to wipe the gel off of my stomach. Although, I also felt relieved that it was finally coming off. That stuff was just way too weird for my liking.

I pulled my shirt down and sat up. That was when a photo was held out for me to take. I slowly took it from her, and just stared at it. "..." A copy of the ultrasound? This made my face grow warm. I have an actual physical copy of my baby right here in my hand, and I was never going to lose it. I tucked it into my pants pocket, and swung my legs over the bed. There was no internal bleeding then? That was such a relief to know. He didn't lose anything, and in return he actually gained some support from the nurses here. Maybe this won't be as bad as he thought it would be.

My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach as soon as I saw Link standing in the doorway. How long has he been standing there? And why didn't anyone tell him? I opened my mouth to say something to him, but nothing came out. What do I say? Judging by the way he was staring right back at me, I could tell that he had heard enough. "Link, I-" I was cut off by him walking over to me and grabbing onto my arm.

"Come on, you heard the nurses. We need to get some food in you." He said, carefully pulling me out of the bed and onto my feet. And not once did he let go of my arm as we made our way over to the door. "Take one of those vitamins right now so that no one sees the bottle. Only tell those who you trust, okay? This is a serious matter. I will speak with Komui about this, and how to go about planning for his or her arrival."

Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared right at him. I fumbled with the bottle cap and took a pill out, plopping it into my mouth and quickly swallowing it. I stuffed in into my other pocket, not carrying how much it stuck out. "You're being very calm about this, Link." I murmured. Well, he is normally a calm person to start out with. It wasn't often that he lost his cool, especially with me of all people.

"What will yelling at you do in your fragile state? I would much rather wait to see what Komui has to say about this first. It isn't my place to punish you, or to make the rules around here. I am however, disappointed in you for sleeping with someone else. And judging by the person you described, I can tell who you were talking about. It must have been an accident, knowing Kanda of all people..." He scoffed out.

I pouted slightly. "Thank you for taking my condition into consideration. And, Link... It was because we both got drunk. I have regretted that night ever since waking up in Kanda's bed...n-naked the next morning." It was so hard to say this out loud, but the guy deserved to know what was going on. I let my hand graze over my stomach for a moment. If I do this too much around people, then they will start to get suspicious. No need for that to happen! It will only put me in a dangerous situation. Who knows, the Order might just send me away until it is born. They won't take the baby away from me, will they? I

I shook my head. No, I can't have those kind of thoughts right now. It isn't good for mine or the baby's health! "Link, I...only found out by listening in on Kanda's conversation with another pregnant woman. So he already knew before me, since he took me to the hospital after I passed out. He couldn't even bring himself to tell me! And he admitted to not wanting it. But since he is the father, he has to help take care of it. And he has already made it very clear that this doesn't, or will ever, make us a family. He seriously hates my guts, and even wanted me to get rid of it."

I heard Link sigh then. "Are you certain he meant all of those things he said, Walker-san?" He asked me. His hand was no longer holding onto my arm, but he still remained close to me in case I fall or pass out. Falling is also very dangerous for me to do, and I'm lucky it hasn't hurt the baby yet after those times I have done so. But what he just said made me frown. What the heck was he going on about? Of course he meant those things. This is Yuu Kanda of all people!

"I can't explain things to you in detail, but..." He began to say, his expression darkening a little. "Kanda was once in love with a beautiful young woman. I can't say when this was, or what exactly happened to her... But she died. Ever since then he hasn't been the same, and still searches for her...soul. She still has a hold on his heart, even after all of these years. If he is being bitter about all of this, it is because he is confused. He doesn't know how to feel. And in a way, he might feel as though he has betrayed that woman by sleeping with you, and impregnating you."

"...!" My eyes grew as wide as they possibly could. Kanda of all people has already been in love? Losing her must have really changed him then, because it didn't seem like he was capable of loving anyone. But then again, who was he to judge in the first place? Of course anyone is capable of loving someone. "Link, I...had no idea."

Link nodded. "Of course you didn't. Only certain people know about this. You cannot tell anyone else, okay? I'm not even supposed to tell you. But looking at the position you have been thrown into you, it couldn't be helped. What I am trying to say, is that you shouldn't give up on him. Prove to him that a living human being is willing to be with him, and fall for him. It is harder for him to let people in, and to trust them. Once someone has been hurt the way he has been, you tend to shut yourself out from the world. He also might not want to get close to anyone ever again...in fear of losing them."

That actually made a lot of sense. If he lost someone he loved so very much, he wouldn't want to put himself in that same position again. He would push people away just like him. If only I had been told this sooner, damn it! Now I really wanted to talk to him. It is just my luck that he won't be returning for a while still. I just had to suck it up and wait for his return. "Y-you're right, Link. I will continue to try and break through that wall of his. Thank you for telling me this. I think it will really help us out in the long run..." I spoke softly. I didn't realize it, but there was a small smile on my face.

 _'We will make this work, Kanda. I'm not giving up on you just yet.'_

* * *

 **Author's note:** What else is there to do when you have to call into work sick? That's it, to write! e v e


	7. Chapter 7

**Allen's POV**

It has been a week since I returned from my mission, and people are really starting to worry about me. A lot of the time I prefer to eat in my own room, in case I end up puking it all back up. No way in hell do I want anyone to see me like that! No one else knows of my condition yet, and for some reason that didn't bother me. I prefer it this way, actually. I receive no judgment from those who are very important to me. That, and I don't get bombarded with tons of questions. As if I want to explain everything in detail. Just thinking about it alone makes my head hurt... Along with my heart. This child most likely won't get the family it deserves. All I can do is try.

Today I decided to eat dinner with everyone else. Well, guess I just clarify what I mean by that. I am eating in the cafeteria, but have distanced myself from literally everyone else. I can feel their gazes on me as I poke at my food; and I can hear them whispering to each other about my illness and absence. This doesn't bother me though, as my only focus was on trying my hardest to eat. It is getting more and more difficult to keep things down, which definitely wasn't good for the baby. It feels like I have been starving it lately. It's not my fault though! I just can't keep most stuff down. I haven't found that one food that I can live off of yet; nor do I have any specific cravings that I know of.

I sigh and glance out one of the windows, noticing how dark the sky was. And just as I take in the grey color of the clouds, I see the raindrops fall. Looks like we're in for a good old thunderstorm, huh? This wasn't going to help my already depressed mood out. My hand goes over to my stomach, and I let it rest there while continuing to watch the rain drip down the glass. It was almost soothing in a way- relaxing. I rest my chin in my free hand, completely ignoring the loud chattering surrounding me. This has been the toughest week of my life, and that is saying a lot, what with the childhood I had and everything.

Just thinking about Cross finding out about this made me feel sick to my stomach! He will insult me, smack me, and even tell me to get rid of it. If not abortion, then he will certainly want me to give it up for adoption. That just isn't an option for me! I don't want anyone else raising _my_ child. I know what it is like to grow up without any real parents, and so I don't want my own son or daughter to go through that same thing. Sure it might live a more normal life, but I still can't help but be selfish in this situation. I just won't be able to bring myself to hand it over to another couple. It would destroy me. It would shatter my heart beyond repair.

Lavi, Lenalee, and Krory all walk past me then. Not a single muscle in my body moves at the sight of them, as I am still lost in my own little world. It looked like they really wanted to say something to me, but didn't. Instead they made their way over to the usual table where we sat at. I can tell that it took everything in them to remain silent when seeing me for the first time in a while. On the other hand, they were respecting my wishes in giving me my space, and I greatly appreciated that. I just hope this won't ruin my friendship with them, because I really can't afford to lose any one of them. I would never be the same. They mean the world to me.

They are the people who I will tell my condition to, since Link said to only tell those who I trust. I just need a little more time to let them in on something so serious and dangerous; because I know that they will worry about me. I don't want them to stress over this. They have more important matters to focus their attention on. I sneak a quick glance at them, but only to see how sad they all looked. "..." This instantly makes me feel guilty, and I have to suppress the urge to go over there and tell them that everything is okay.

But everything really is not okay.

I get those terrible stomach pains daily now. Komui approached me himself, and explained to me that I will probably experience them for a good while, what with being a guy and all. My body really isn't meant for this in the slightest. At least the baby isn't attached to any of my organs, but in fact an actual womb that had been created by my innocence. That makes me breathe a little easier. It just gives this whole thing a better chance at actually working out. Sure it's still dangerous, and either I, the baby, or both of us could still lose our lives in the process. That is something I just have to accept. I still need some more time with that as well.

My gaze drifts down to rest on my stomach, and I nervously fidget at one of the buttons on my shirt. My hair fell down to cover my face, since I really didn't want anyone to see the expression I now held. _'Surely you are meant to exist, right? You wouldn't just pop up within me, only to lose your life so soon. So...you just have to live through this! If you are anything like your father and I, you will get through this.'_ That is what I like to believe, that is. Hopefully it is true what I just thought, and that this baby really was meant to exist. Why else would my body go through all of the trouble to host a growing human being, only to dispose of it right away? It just didn't make any sense to me.

"How long have you been sitting there?" That cold, deep voice snaps me back to reality, and I jump in my seat. No, I didn't need to see who it was. Just about anyone could pick out that voice from anywhere, so it wasn't just me. My hand leaves my stomach go grip at the sides of my seat, and I slowly tilt my head back to look up at the samurai. As soon as I lock gazes with the man I haven't seen in a whole week, and it feels like my heart stops beating in that very moment. This was way too unexpected for my liking, and I didn't know how to react to it.

His tray is placed on the spot right next to mine, and he lifts his leg up so that he can sit right next to me. We're so close at this point, that are arms almost touch. The small distance makes me shiver, and I tear my gaze away to bite down on my lip. It's a sort of nervous habit that I picked up on, and no matter how hard I try to stop it, I just can't. I feel this way a lot of the time now, so it really couldn't be helped. "..." Can he hear my heart pounding roughly in my chest right now? Can he tell how sweaty my palms were getting? Why the heck is he sitting this close to me of all people?! This made me feel so fricken confused!

"Ah! K-Kanda, you're back..." I stutter nervously. Sure I planned on approaching him sometime when he returned, but this was just way too soon for my liking. I didn't get to prepare myself at all. How come no one told me that he was finished with his mission? Damn that Komui. A warning would have been nice! I curse a bunch in my mind, and picture myself knocking his teeth in. And damn this jerk for making me feel this way. What the heck is wrong with me? This just wasn't right. I scoot a little away from him to distance ourselves further away from each other, and let out a shaky sigh.

"You didn't answer my question, Moyashi." I hear him say just as quietly as before. Only this time he shoved a bunch of his precious soba noodles into his mouth after saying that, and I couldn't help but watch him carefully chew at them. I didn't mean to stare or anything, but I couldn't exactly help it. Everything he does is graceful! He notices my stare, and looks right back at me with a blank expression. At least it wasn't a glare this time. I awkwardly clear my throat, and start poking away at my food once more, finding it impossible to shove any of it into my mouth. Getting sick again just wasn't on my agenda for the rest of the day. My stomach still aches a little from before.

"Kanda, I...I haven't told my friends yet. I don't know how to. All I can do is avoid them." I say just as quietly. "I don't feel like explaining myself all over again. I'm just...so tired all the time, and in so much pain. I don't want to deal with their judgment..." For some reason it felt like I could trust him. Although, when do you ever see him flapping his mouth to everyone? He usually keeps to himself for the most part. I can tell he is the type of person to steer clear of any drama.

"...You are in pain?" That is all he asks me, and I can feel his intense stare on me as he waited for my response. I immediately regret saying that, and wished I could take it back. Unfortunately I cannot. I let out a heavy sigh, and bring my hand up to rub the back of my head- another nervous tick of mine.

"My body is...adjusting. I was told to put on some weight to make more room for the uh... well, you know..." I mumble. Saying it out loud in such a busy area like this really wasn't a good idea, so he had to choose his words wisely. If the wrong people find out about this, it could be very dangerous for all three of them. "Some of the nurses know, and Link was sort of listening in on my conversation with them. He even saw them with the...machine. And Komui knows, since I am no longer allowed to go on any missions until I am back to normal."

I still can't look at his face, even after saying all of that. There is a long silence between us, and for a minute I think that he won't say anything. That is, until he finally spoke up in a slightly louder voice. "If anything, your friends will be happy. Lenalee will take you out on a shopping spree, and Lavi will be fascinated by it. He might want to touch you a lot. Krory will worry a lot, but he will still be happy for you. They are going to find out eventually, and it might not be from you."

My eyes widen. If that happens, then that will just be awful! I don't want anyone else to tell them about my pregnancy. I look over at their table again, and gulp. "M-maybe tomorrow. For now I just...want to be left alone. I can't keep any of this food down, and it sucks because Jerry is such an amazing cook! How can I put on some weight, when I keep puking my damn guts up?!" I was frustrated. How can this baby thrive, and continue to grow healthy inside of me, when I can't even provide the proper nutrients that it needs? If it doesn't eat, then something bad will happen to it. I slam my fist on the table and go to stand up, but was yanked back down by Kanda pulling at my arm.

I give him a glare when he does this. "What was that for?!" I snap at him. Wow, that sure was a shift in moods right there. Why am I so angry all of a sudden? It must be the hormones. They are out of whack- even worse than a normal pregnant woman's. Instead of responding, he just pushes his tray of soba noodles over, so that it is now sitting right in front of me. He even sets his chopsticks in it, and gestures for me to take a bite.

"If that child is anything like me, then it will like soba. And if this is really going to happen, then we need to do things correctly. I won't let it turn out all deformed or underweight, all because it wasn't getting fed properly." He scoffs out with his arms crossed over his chest. Even his eyes were closed at the moment. It was like he truly believed that this would actually work. I stare at the noodles in front of me, and strangely my mouth began to water, and my stomach growled loudly. I gave it a gentle rub, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment at how noisy it was being.

This was really nice of Kanda to do, despite how he felt about me. It honestly made me want to smile at him, but I held back from doing that. No need to push things by making them all awkward. If I go too quickly with this, then I will only ruin whatever chance I has at making this baby thing work out with him. "..." Wait, do you eat the wasabi first? I never actually watched him eat this stuff before. I would think so. I lift up the chopsticks and go straight for the green past. But just as I was about to poke them through it, my hand was stopped.

Kanda was holding onto my wrist.

"Everything you eat goes to the baby first. Keep that in mind, Moyashi. You would essentially be giving it a mouthful of wasabi." After he says this, I panic and withdraw my hand. Wouldn't that be painful for it? Oh no, I almost did something really stupid. After how things ended back on that mission, he was acting as though none of that happened. It was like he never said those hurtful things to me, which is really weird. What the heck happened to him after I left?

"I-I see. Thank you, Kanda..." I murmur. I bring my chopsticks back down to grab a bunch of the soba noodles, and stuff them into my mouth. The instant I did this, my eyes shot wide open. The taste was unbelievable! Have these always been this good? I found myself practically inhaling them after swallowing the first bite. If this actually stays down and agrees with my body, then I can just keep eating it from now on. It is better than not having anything at all. And once I was all done, I couldn't help but frown at how empty the tray was.

"Ah, there's no more..." I whisper in disappointment. My stomach growls again, but this time it is not as loud as before. Eating was definitely a lot harder for me now, since I already ate a ton before. Now I had to eat twice as much, since I am no longer eating for myself. I pout quite a bit at this, and hope that Kanda didn't hear it. The amount that was on here was definitely enough for a normal person. Guess I need to go and get some more. I could feel my cheeks growing warmer when I realized I would need to order Kanda's favorite food to Jerry. What will he think? What will he say to me? I huff in frustration.

"Don't pop a blood vessel." He says to me, and that is when I about lose it. As I turn my body to snap at him, I notice that he is already out of his seat and grabbing my empty tray. I give him a confused look, and even tilt my head as I watch him walk away and go back in line. For the time being I just sat there and waited. He must be getting his own food. If so, then should I stay or go? I might be annoying him. If I act too clingy, then I might scare him off for good. Why was this so complicated anyways? It really shouldn't be. I leaned forward as I waited, tapping my fingers on the table. "..."

I slip my hand into my hoodie pocket, and pull out the bottle of vitamins I am supposed to be taking. I plop one into mouth and wash it down with the glass of water I had. Forgetting to take those could result in something happening to my baby. "..." My eyes soften as I find myself staring at Kanda again. Has his hair always been so soft? And, has he always been so beautiful? Never have I seen someone's facial features so fricken perfect before! For some reason I really want to run my fingers through his dark hair.

"..." I clench my teeth together when images of that night a month ago randomly came to mind. His lips, oddly, molded against mine like they were meant for each other. Like no one else was meant to kiss them other than me. I didn't even realize that I was touching my own lips with my fingertips while gazing right at him. My eyes were half-lidded as I was stuck in my thoughts. As much as we fight and insult each other, I do not hate Kanda. In fact, I like to view him as a friend. Things are much different now. We can't just be friends anymore. At least, I don't want to be that is.

Was I seriously falling for him? No, that can't be. It must be these damn pregnancy hormones that are drawing me closer to him- yearning for his touch. I blush like mad when he catches me staring at him, and I nervously fumble with my glass when his turns into a cold glare. "..." I press my hand over my pounding heart, and I put all of my attention on trying to calm myself down. Yeah, that is what it is. My feelings are a result of me carrying his child. Nothing else.

Right?

I suddenly lose my appetite, and I get up to quickly rush out of the cafeteria, running as fast as my body would allow it to in my condition. _'No, no, no!'_ I scream in my mind. This wasn't happening. How can I face him now? He won't be happy at all about this if he finds out how I truly feel. And it's not like I have anyone to talk to. I have pushed all of my friends away. Why the heck would they listen to me now of all times? They would only feel used if I did so. No, I have to deal with this all on my own. Not only that, but loving someone who already loves another woman is just pathetic! As if he would choose me over her, despite being dead and all. I am just good enough for him, nor will I ever be.

Once I make it to my room, I slam the door shut and lock it behind me. By now I was breathing heavily, but I simply did not care. I just went right over to my bed, and crawled underneath the covers. _'What do I do with these feelings? I am not used to this at all. What would Mana say? No, Cross is more experienced in this field. Although, has he ever loved any of the women he has slept with? He is such a fricken womanizer! I wouldn't be able to trust anything he says after all.'_ As I lie there all curled up in my warm, comfortable bed, I can't stop myself from thinking about that night. I hit the side of my head a few times, and let out a frustrated sigh.

Damn it all.

 **Kanda's POV**

"..." What the heck was that all about? The Moyashi has been acting more weird than usual. And now that he just ran out of the cafeteria, I have to cancel his huge order of soba noodles. This pisses me off, but I try my best to hide it as I try to get Jerry's attention. I have no idea where he ran off to, but it wasn't my problem. This is what happens when I try to help out. It is honestly like a slap in the face. When is it ever good enough for him? Besides, he was staring at me in a way I have never seen before. At least, not from him specifically that is. I snatch a bottle of tea, and go back over to my table to sit down. I have also lost my appetite. Not like I was that hungry to begin with anyways.

Just as I was in the process of taking a sip of my tea, the bottle was snatched out of my grasp. My gaze hardens when I look over to see who it was. "Can I enjoy my dinner in peace, Lenalee?" I bit out. Already I miss eating my meals alone. I have a feeling that my schedule will be permanently ruined, all thanks to that idiot. I try to help out a little, and this is what I get in return. It really is easier for me to worry and fend for myself.

"Kanda! What did you do to Allen-kun?!" She says, getting up in my face then. All I can do is blankly stare at her. That loud voice of hers was really annoying, but I don't dare say that out loud. Instead I just silently sat there, waiting for what else she had to say to me. Of course, right away she assumes everything is my fault.

"Ever since he came back, he has been nothing but cold and distant with us! Not to mention you weren't even with him! So what, did you guys have a fight or something?" Again, I just give her that same blank stare. This is none of her business anyways, so I wasn't going to say a word about it. Besides, it is not my body. I am in no position to tell people about his condition. I am just the father. Just thinking about that word makes me feel ill. Part of me still hopes that this is all some sort of sick nightmare; yet every day I am slapped real hard with this reality. Now his life will be changing forever, all because they both weren't being careful enough!

She reaches behind me and grabs a hold of my ponytail, roughly yanking on it to try and get me to say something. I let out a small grunt in response to the feeling. "Tch! Why are you so annoying?!" I snap right back at her. This was honestly getting way too annoying for me. Can't people just leave me the hell alone for once? "It isn't my place to tell you what is going on. He will tell you when he is ready." I finally say.

Lenalee's eyes narrow when staring down at me. "...I heard he was hospitalized a week ago. Something about him coughing up blood or something. When I tried asking one of the nurses what was wrong with him, they said it was confidential information. I think his friends deserve to know what is going on with him. If he is sick, or...o-or dying, then we need to know, Kanda!"

My hands fall down to rest in my lap, as I am left feeling completely shocked. The Moyashi was bleeding? Why would he keep something so vital from me?! I fight the urge to get up and go after him, since that would just make things more suspicious for us, and instead just let out a long and heavy sigh. "I have no idea what is wrong with him. He wasn't feeling well on our mission, and decided to go back to the Order to get some rest. It was interfering with his duties to destroy the Akuma. So again, do not ask me for details. You won't get anything useful out of me."

I could feel her hold on my hair loosen then. There were even tears in her eyes when she did this. "My own brother won't even tell me what is going on. I have tried so hard to get it out of him, but he has yet to budge. I don't want anything to happen to him. He is so important to us, Kanda. He has shut us out entirely." She said quietly.

Lavi was next to come over. He placed his hands on the table as he leaned in towards me. "Why is he sitting with you instead of us, huh...Yuu?" I could hear the hurt in his voice as he said this, but I did not care. I was more irritated by what he had just called me. I flicked my bottle cap at his forehead in an attempt to somewhat hurt him.

"Don't call me that, you baka-Usagi!" I hiss out. "I was the one that sat next to him, not the other way around; so why don't you go and question him instead of me? You both know where his room is. Honestly, I am sick of people today." I just got back, and already I was being pestered this much. What will they do next? I certainly do not want to stay around to find out. I slid off of the seat and just walked off, not even bothering to look back at either one of them as I left the cafeteria. For now I will just have to stay in my own room to avoid everyone. Maybe they will get the hint, and hover over the Moyashi from now on instead of me.

I probably slammed my door shut harder than I should have, but I couldn't help it. As if I didn't have enough to deal with as it is. Why is it my fault that he won't tell them anything? Although, if I were in his position, I wouldn't want to tell anyone either. I would keep everything to myself as long as possible. Maybe I can't blame him for doing things this way after all. I yank the red rope from my hair, and stripped of my clothes until I was down to my boxers, and got into bed. After laying there for a few minutes, I rolled over onto my side and stared at the lotus flower encased in the thick glass. "..."

I wasn't even tired, and yet this is all I felt like doing. My hand slowly reached out to touch it, and I thought back to the last time I saw an hallucination of that woman. Why haven't I seen her lately? It was like she completely disappeared. I still see lotus flowers everywhere though. They are on the floor, and even float in the air- surrounding myself and others who are around me. Some sat on my bed at this very moment, but I ignored them. I didn't feel like thinking about my past right now. I'm already mentally exhausted.

Am I really expected to move on?


	8. Chapter 8

**Allen's POV**

It has been a week since I found out about the pregnancy, and I have been avoiding everyone. Before it was really annoying having Link follow me around everywhere I went, but now it was very helpful. If I wanted something, he would go out and get it for me. I can't remember the last time I was outside and got some fresh air, or stepped inside the cafeteria to sit down and enjoy a meal. Instead I am locked up in my room all day long. Kanda was sent on another mission the day after we ate together, so I especially haven't seen him. Of course my friends are asking about me, and are trying to get a hold of me. Unfortunately for them I asked to be left alone, so no one is allowed in here. I just don't feel like talking to anyone. My depression has gotten worse, and I seriously worry about my baby's health because of this. Every morning I still have to run into the bathroom to puke my guts up, which is then followed by me collapsing onto the floor and just laying there for a long while.

When you throw up so much, and so hard, it drains you completely. I have absolutely no energy afterward. But screaming out for help just isn't an option for me. Being in this state of mine, I already feel pretty damn pathetic. Even now as I laid there on my back, breathing heavily and with an aching stomach, I didn't bother to roll over and call out for Link. This pregnancy is going to kick my butt, and it's all because I'm a guy. I'm not supposed to be carrying this child, and yet I am all thanks to my innocence. Sometimes I have to stop and wonder why I have the shittiest luck out of everyone else. Isn't it bad enough that I host the Fourteenth Noah, Nea?

My eyes close, and I let out a shaky sigh. Is this going to happen throughout my entire pregnancy? If so, then I just might go insane. Despite going through hell, I still can't terminate it. What makes matters worse, is that I can't deny the fact that it will be strong and beautiful. If it is anything like Kanda, then surely it will become a splendid exorcist someday. I just hope that it won't get taken away from me. If I am going to suffer through all of this for so many months, then I deserve to keep it. I will fight anyone who dares to touch it. This is growing in _my_ body, and coming out of _my_ body. It only makes sense that I would become so attached to it, right? I can't be in the wrong here.

Part of me feels horrible for avoiding my friends. They have always been there for me, and accepted me no matter what. They know of the Noah inside of me, and yet to them I'm still the same Allen they befriended a long time ago. Nothing about it has changed their opinion or feelings of me. And every time I realize this, it hits me real hard that what I am doing is wrong. Knowing them, they really would be accepting of this. In fact, they would try their hardest to help me and this baby out! But there is still that tiny, tiny chance that they could react the opposite way. What if they want nothing to do with me anymore? Or become disgusted that I slept with another man? And _Kanda_ of all people?! No, that wouldn't be disgusting. That guy is amazing at everything he does. His appearance alone is something to look at.

"Kanda..." I whisper while staring up at the ceiling. Just saying his name out loud made my heart flutter. It wasn't a good combination with my stomach churning at the moment, but I didn't complain. Instead I accepted it. Why is he always on my mind lately? Ever since he left, I keep asking myself where he is, and if he's alright. I even ask myself when he will return. It's not like he wants to see me or anything, so I don't know why I feel this way. Do I perhaps miss him? No, that's crazy. There is no way I miss that jerk! Even when he was here, he didn't treat me right. And the things he said weren't nice either. Sure we shared a moment in the cafeteria, but that didn't last long. Ever since then I have been eating soba noodles every day. They are the only thing I can keep down right now.

I press my hand against my lower stomach then. Just underneath the surface lay my unborn child- growing. I'm not sure if it is healthy anymore. If it's not, then it won't even surprise me. I already feel guilty for doing this to him or her. It doesn't deserve any of this, and yet I keep doing it over and over again. "I'm sorry little one..." I continue to say quietly. My hair was all sprawled out and messy, and I didn't even care. Not only that, but I have also been losing out on sleep. It's hard to get any rest when you're worrying so much about the father of your child. I just don't want anything to happen to him, because then what? I will have to do all of this on my own? Surely I would really fail if that's the case.

"WALKER?!" Hearing my name being called out so loudly caused me to flinch, and I turned my head to the side to see where it was coming from. It's obvious who's voice it belonged to, but I needed to see where he was. Sure enough he was standing in the doorway. What I found to be odd though, was the look on his face. I blinked slowly, taking it all in. Why was he out of breath? And why is he sweating? My lips parted slightly to say something, but nothing came out. I just laid there, silently staring at him. It was like I was too exhausted to speak. Yeah, I really am pathetic after all. I can't do anything right. Usually he lets me be for longer than this.

I watched him carefully as he approached me. And before I knew it, he was grabbing my hands and yanking me back up to my feet. His arm wrapped around my waist to keep me up. "Kanda is back." He said. Just hearing that made my eyes grow wide. My heart beat also sped up, and I looked right into Link's eyes. Well this is certainly unexpected. Of course he was going to return eventually! I just didn't think it would be this soon. It takes some time to get to your final destination. Sometimes the train ride alone takes a long time. So keeping that in mind, why was he already finished? Was he just that good, that he got all of the akuma? Well, yes he was. Why am I even questioning it?

His eyes darkened a bit. "Kanda is back... but he was caught up in an explosion. I don't think he wants you to see him like this, but I figured you could anyways. Since you're uh, you know..." I felt his gaze drift down to my stomach, and I instinctively placed my hands over it. What was that look for? Yes, I know what he is talking about! It's even hard for me to say it out loud. Just thinking about it makes me feel funny. Wait, did he just say that Kanda was caught up in an explosion?! How badly hurt is he? Is he going to be okay? Oh no, this is exactly what I feared. My heart sank, and I instantly felt sick. But I kept it all down. I had to see him.

"L-Link, please..." If he dies, then what will happen? What will become of our child? I don't want it to grow up without a father. That would just be heartbreaking. It's already destined to fight against akuma. And if it doesn't have an innocence, then will it be allowed to stay here with us? Or will the Order kick it out, and give it away to another family? That would really mess me up. I already feel an attachment to it. As soon as I felt my feet being lifted up from the ground, I gasped. It took me a few seconds to realize what was really going on. I can't walk on my own right now. I just don't have the energy to so much as move my legs, and that is something he understood. So instead of forcing myself to walk, he decided to carry me in his arms.

This felt a bit strange, but I didn't question it.

After that he bolted out of the room, and ran down the hallway. It was funny how he pushed through everyone, not even caring if he knocked anyone over. At the moment he was just focused on one thing, and that was bringing me to Kanda. It was like he knew exactly what I was thinking. Sometimes I even wonder if he's a mind-reader, to be honest. I didn't even mind what others thought of this. Being in Link's arms must be really weird to them, right? Oh well. I too, was only focused on one thing. I just wanted to make sure that the father of my child was alright. That he wasn't going to fricken die on me! If so, then I will be so beyond pissed off at him. I'll bring him back from the dead, and kill him all over again.

Stupid Bakanda.

It didn't take long before we made it to the medical ward. The nurses all said that we needed to check in first, but Link simply ignored them. Instead he ran right past them. This made me smile a little, but that only lasted for a mere few seconds. It soon vanished, because right now I didn't feel happy. It wasn't an honest smile. Not that I always smile honestly, and that is something Lenalee has called me out for. I remember that day clearly, especially since it involved her crying over me. I don't mean to worry everyone so much. I can't always help it. That is another reason why I have been unable to tell my friends about this pregnancy. They will worry what will happen to me because of this. Clearly it isn't normal for a guy to be carrying a growing baby for nine months, and then delivering it.

As we approached the room, it felt like my heart was going to burst right through my chest. Why did I feel so nervous? It might be because I haven't seen him in a while. That, and I don't know how he is doing. But when Link opened the door and we stepped inside, that is when I saw just how bad the situation was. It was like he read my mind again, because he immediately walked over to the bed just to get a closer look. "...!" What I saw made me want to throw up. This is exactly what I have been fearing every single day, and why I have been losing out on sleep. It was like this was bound to happen.

Kanda was all covered up in bandages. They even wrapped around half of his face! The sight was horrifying, and I pushed myself out of the blonde's arms so that I could get even closer. If I wasn't so determined, my legs would have gave out from underneath me, due to feeling so weak. My shitty luck just keeps getting worse, doesn't it? When will things ever get better? I feel like they won't. I will be stuck in this endless cycle for the rest of my life. Maybe even after I die! My shaky hands reached out to him, but they froze right before touching his face. Was it okay to touch him? Will he feel it and wake up? If so, then he will yell at me for invading his personal space. I didn't want that. I felt very vulnerable right now. I just hope that he can't feel any of this pain. Hopefully he is completely numb from it all.

I settle for grabbing his hand in both of mine, and sat down on the edge of the bed. The door to the room opens and closes, and that is when I know that Link decided to let us be alone. This made me feel very grateful, because I really did need this alone time with Kanda. I will have to thank him somehow after this. I can't exactly pay him back, but thanking him will be good enough. Besides, he will still be on the other side of that door anyways. So it's not like he was giving us complete alone time. The walls aren't exactly that thick, and the same goes for the door. But he isn't the type to go around telling every single person someone else's secrets. So in a way I trust him, I guess?

It seemed like most of Kanda's body was bandaged up. "..." I slowly lower myself onto the bed to lay beside him. There wasn't much room, for the beds were only so big. They are only supposed to fit on person. Still, I'm a small person. I managed to squeeze myself in while laying on my side. As I did this, I never let go of his hand. My gaze just locked onto his face as I watched him sleep. His hair was down, and I had to fight the urge to run my fingers through it. I always thought he looked nice with it like that. Not only that, but it was so soft. It's hard knowing he still has feeling for that woman. Of course I wonder just how beautiful she was. Also, how old were they when they fell for each other? It's not like he is that much older than me. Only by a few years.

I want to prove to Kanda that she isn't the only one for him.

Arguing with each other is sort of our thing. It's how we communicate! But will that change? Or at least, light up a bit because of the baby and everything? When we ate together in the cafeteria, he was actually helping me out. Deep down he really does care, but just doesn't want to admit it. This put a small smile on my face, and I found my own eyes closing. Huh, am I still tired? Maybe throwing everything up from yesterday made me feel this exhausted. There wasn't anything left in my stomach, and because of this, I now felt very hungry- _starving_ in fact! Right now I was more worried about Kanda though. Is that a bad thing? I should be feeding our child, and yet here I am in his bed, waiting for him to wake up.

I just can't help it anymore. I have this constant need to be with him. And it's so impossible to just ignore. Guess we both had crappy pasts, huh? I wish he would open up more, and especially to me. I want to know what he all went through to be the person he is today. I want to know absolutely everything about the man who got me pregnant. But I know it isn't going to be that easy. "How did you survive an explosion, Kanda?" I whisper. After saying that, I could feel myself, little by little, slowly drifting off into a deep sleep. Before I knew it I was out.

* * *

 **Kanda's POV**

What the hell is that annoying beeping sound? Not only that, but why does my hand feel so warm? As I try to move it, I realize that something is holding onto it. "...?" I already know that this isn't my bedroom. Not only does it smell weird, but the bed alone feels off. It's definitely not the one that I am used to. Where am I? My eyes open only slightly as I expected it to be bright. Although as I did this, not only did I realize that it was dark in the room, but the vision in my right eye was black. I couldn't see anything out of it. I raised my hand to touch it, and that is when I saw it all bandaged up. Wait, am I in a hospital? Did I get injured? My fingers lightly touch at the ones on my face, and I sigh. No wonder this room felt so off. I have always hated it here.

My whole body flinches when I feel something tight gripping at my other hand, and I quickly look over. Luckily it was on the side with my good eye. Well now I know where all of that warmth was coming from. That damn Moyashi was sleeping right beside me, and had a good grip on my hand with both of his own. "Hurts..." I hear him mumble. His face was twisted in agony, and there was sweat running down his face. If I yell at him to get out of my bed, then that will only cause more problems. Everyone will view me as a piece of shit. If there is something wrong with the baby, then something seriously wrong could happen to it, or the both of them. Wait, why should I care? I don't even want this child. And I certainly do not have any deeper feelings for someone who is cursed.

His hands finally let go of me, and I watch as he places them over his stomach. He grunts out in discomfort, and proceeds to curl up into a ball. "Nnrghhh!" His breathing came out in deep pants when he did this, and for the first time I began to wonder if he was going to be alright. Was he losing the baby? That honestly wouldn't surprise me. If that happens, then what? Will it change him? I can't help but stare at him while deep in thought about it all. What should I do? Call for help? Try to help him out myself? To be honest, I should be angry at him for sneaking into my bed. But as this continues, and I see that his condition is worsening, those thoughts slowly disappear. They were now replaced with something else- something that I wasn't used to.

Am I actually worried?

That's absurd! This is the stupid Moyashi that gets on my nerves. His very existence annoys me to death. So why can't I shake this feeling of wanting to help him out? Before I knew it, my hand had reached out to shake his shoulder. What am I doing? I shouldn't be doing this. I should be kicking his ass out of my bed for invading my personal space- for touching me! Yet all I can do is feel these... feelings. "Hey! Wake up!" I shout at him. Or maybe he already was awake, and was just in too much pain to open his eyes and say anything else? That could have been it. There's no way someone wouldn't wake up from that kind of pain. I just didn't know what else to say to him. I have never been thrown into this type of situation before.

His eyes flash open as soon as I say this, and he stares right into mine. There was a pleading look in them, like he wanted my help. For some reason this made my heart jump. What is going on in that head of his? "Why are you in my bed?" I bit out. I actually wanted to ask him if he was going to be alright, and if I needed to call for a doctor. Instead that came out of my mouth. So far there wasn't any blood, so maybe he wasn't having a miscarriage? I sat up in the bed, and even moved the top of the bed forward so that I could get more comfortable. Allen remained in a fetal position at my side. It's like he didn't even hear my question at all. He was completely unfazed by it.

"M-my insides are... are sh-shifting..." Allen gasped out. Seeing how much he struggled to say that made my eyes widen. Was it really _that_ painful for him? And sure enough, he didn't care about being called out just now. The only thing he was focused on, was the excruciating pain he was currently in. My hands twitched as they rested in my lap. I seriously had no idea what to do, or what to say. I look down at his stomach then. Is he going to be like this throughout the entire pregnancy? If so, then this is going to be a literal hell for him.

"Tch. You're insane for doing this. Why won't you just give it up already? This could all be over with one simple procedure, you damn Moyashi! This is something that really ticks me off. You care too much!" I snap at him. If it were me, I would have gotten rid of the parasite in an instant. This idiot has already grown attached to it, so he no longer has that as an option. His eyes sadden when I say this, but I didn't look away. Instead I just gave him a blank stare.

"I-it has a heartbeat, K-Kanda! I'm not... m-murdering our child! You need to s-stop being so fricken h-heartless!" My eyes narrow then. But as soon as I do this, that is when I remember that ultrasound. It really did have a heartbeat, didn't it? That means it is a living human being. And getting rid of it was technically murder, wasn't it? No wonder he felt so strongly about this. He can't take another human being's life, even if it is torturing him like this. My eyebrows scrunched together the more I thought into this, and I let out a heavy sigh.

"Do whatever you want." I mutter, finally peeling my gaze away from him. I didn't know what else to say to him. I just wish he wasn't here right now, looking at me with those pain-filled eyes. It made me feel strange, and I hated it. I already told him that I didn't want this messing with my goal. Why can't he respect that already? I went to push the red button for assistance, but was stopped when Allen grabbed my hand again. I whipped my head in his direction to give him a cold glare. He's getting more touchy feely with me, and it needed to stop. I don't like being touched, and especially not by someone who is cursed.

"W-when I heard from Link that you were c-caught in an explosion... I-I felt scared. I didn't know w-what you would look like, or... o-or if you would survive. He carried me here, j-just so that I could get to you faster. How... d-did you make it out of there a-alive?" He asked me. The color in his face was coming back. Does this mean the pain was going away? Not only that, but his stuttering wasn't as bad as before. Maybe it only lasts in small spurts. But how often do these pains come and go? I didn't ask this. Instead I thought about what he just asked me.

"It's none of your business. And you shouldn't be scared. I'm an exorcist. You shouldn't think so little of me." I scoff out. That was true though. Why did he think those things of me? I'm not that easy to kill off. And him feeling that way was almost a slap in the face. I opened my mouth to say something else, but was cut off with the next thing he said.

"I know, Kanda." He said quietly. "Link told me about your previous lover. A... beautiful woman you once loved a long time ago. All he said, was that she died. And because of this, you are still searching for her soul. That... you won't be truly happy until you find it. I can't help but wonder when this all took place, because you're not that much older than me. Yes it's none of my business. Trust me, I understand that completely. But... I feel like I deserve to know at the same time. I'm having your fricken baby, so what could be more shocking than that?"

My body freezes.

"What... the hell did you just say?" My eyes become shadowed by my bangs, and my hands clench into tight fists. My heart is beating way too fast for my liking. I'm going to kill that stupid crow! I swear as soon as I am out of this bed, I'm going to have his head! How dare he spill something so secretive to the Moyashi of all people! My mouth becomes very dry all of a sudden, and I lick at my lips. This is a subject I really didn't want to talk about.

"It's okay. No one should expect you to get over someone like that. This woman is still very precious to you, right? Even death won't separate you two. But I'm going to be selfish here, and say that... I won't give up because of this. What I want is for-" I cut him off completely by slapping my hand over his mouth.

"For what? For us to be a happy little family with this _parasite_? I thought I already told you this before. This won't make us anything like that. I'm the father, and you're the mother. That's it. Nothing more. You need to stop trying to live a fantasy, and grow the hell up. Open your eyes, Moyashi! We're exorcists. This shouldn't even be happening. When are you going to find the time to take care of this baby? Huh?" I ask.

Allen grabs my wrist, pulling my hand away from my mouth so that he could speak. "I will find a way. No, _we_ will. You may hate me, and that's fine. Hate me all you want... But I don't hate you. I consider you to be a friend of mine, even though you feel completely different towards me. I don't want you to die, Kanda. I rushed over here because I wanted to make sure that you were alright. Seeing you bandaged up like this fricken hurts. A normal person wouldn't survive a fricken explosion!"

That's it.

I yank my hand out of his grasp, and got out of the bed. As I stood there in my unflattering hospital gown, I began to unravel the bandages. I started with my arms first, and then my legs, finishing off with my face. And I let them all pool at my feet while doing this, all the while keeping my gaze locked onto Allen's. It was the most serious stare I could muster up. When I was finished, I placed a hand on my hip. "Well I don't need you to worry about me. I'm fine, see? That is because this body isn't real. It's artificial. I fell in love with that woman in my previous life, where we were both killed by akuma while out on a mission as exorcists. I still search for her soul, because I believe that she was reborn as well." I explain.

There was a long silence between us. The look on his face said it all: He was beyond confused by all of this, and he was letting it all slowly sink in. I couldn't help but notice the way he held his stomach as he sat up in the bed. The way he did it, it always looked so gentle, like he was afraid to touch it in the first place. "..." His hair is also very messy. Did he not take care of himself earlier? He might have given up on hygiene altogether, actually. It really wouldn't surprise me at this point. However when he did finally speak up, his voice was quiet. His eyes kept roaming over my body, but I didn't mind. He was in a state of shock right now, so it was a given that he would do such a thing.

"Your body isn't... real? Ugh, you Bakanda!" He snaps, and jabs a finger at me. "Do you seriously think that matters to me? I don't care what kind of body you have, because no matter what, you're still the same jerk I have always known!" I can't help but take a step back when he gets out of the bed and walks right over to me. I was trying to distance myself from him, but damn he is so persistent. Was he asking to get hit? Maybe I shouldn't hit him, since he's pregnant and all. That would be a cruel thing to do. What he said did make me feel strange. What is he trying to get at here? His stare is so intense, and I find it impossible to look away.

"I always wondered how you managed to heal so fast. But each time you played it off like it was nothing... Like it was fricken natural! Deep down I always knew it was more than that. Damn it, Kanda! Do you really think that lowly of us? Or did you think we wouldn't accept you like this?" He presses his index finger against the tattoo on my chest, and I shiver at how cold his touch is.

"I don't care if you lot accept me or not. This is just my personal business, and I didn't feel like sharing it with everyone at the Order." I explained through clenched teeth, and practically smack his hand away. "You're just not as important to me as that woman. And I don't want this thing holding me back from finding her. My body is healing slower than usual. That means I am running out of time. So don't waste your time falling for me, because you're going to get nothing in return. Now, get out of my room." I gestured to the door as I said this. Right now I just wanted to lay down and rest up. The sooner I am healed, the quicker I can get out of this hell hole.

"No. You can try and fight me all you want, but I'm not going to give up just like that. If you happen to find her, then so be it. You can be with her. But I can't just... ignore these feelings. I don't know what they are, or what will become of them. It confuses even me. All I know is that... I can't just walk away when there could be something between us. You keep calling this baby a "thing" and a "parasite", but I know damn well that once you see it in person and hold it in your arms, that you are going to instantly fall in love with it. And you want to know why, Kanda?" He got a little closer to me and snatched my hand. It was then guided over to the lower part of his stomach.

"Because you're the father. That's why."

"...!" It was an odd feeling touching the Moyashi's stomach like this. There was nothing to necessarily feel, but the fact that there was something growing inside of it just made the experience a whole lot different. Not only that, but it was _mine_. I couldn't even talk. I didn't know how to react to all of this. Soon there will be a bump there, and that bump will continue to get bigger and bigger until he pops. I look from his stomach to his face, and notice just how worn out he is. There are bags underneath his eyes, and the color in his face hadn't returned completely. His hair was a mess, and he appeared beyond tired- like he hasn't gotten any sleep in a long time.

"I didn't ask for this." I finally say. My hand still remained on his stomach. Normally I would have pulled away, but this time I didn't. Why is that? Why can't I move my hand? Why must I remain stuck in this awkward position with him of all people?

"I didn't ask for this either... But it happened, and we have to deal with it now. No one else is suffering more than I am right now. The pain is... Ah, I can't even find the right word to describe it. It's so intense, and it feels like my insides are being ripped out of my body. Every morning when I wake up, I have to rush into the bathroom where I spend an hour or two just throwing up. And because of this, I don't even have the energy to get up half the time. I just have to lay there for a while to collect myself. I was lucky that Link barged in when he did. I haven't eaten anything yet because of this. The hunger is something else as well. So are the cravings. You think I'm not scared of this? Of course I am!" He said, finally letting go of me. My hand fell back to rest against my side.

"I have no idea what is going to happen to me, or if I will even survive this. I don't even know if this baby will live long enough to be born. All I can do is try, and to tough it out through all the pain and suffering. God Kanda, you've been gone! I get that you were on a mission, but it's been so hard. You still get to fight, and do whatever you want, while I'm stuck here. I haven't even told my friends yet. I'm... too much of a coward to do so. Every day I have been hiding out in my bedroom. I don't want them viewing me as a freak! But I know I have to do it soon, or else they will find out from someone else. That, or the fact that I will start showing."

It was shocking to hear that Lenalee, Lavi, and the others still didn't know about this. But since it's not my body, it wasn't my place to tell them, even though technically I am the father. And hearing how much he is going through seemed like a lot. I would hate that so much. How can he live like that? Sure he was being a bit of a coward, but I didn't say that out loud. I didn't want to make him cry, what with his raging hormones all over the place. Instead I didn't say anything. I just stood there, listening to everything that he was saying. I just didn't know what to say anymore. I didn't expect to have this lecture when returning to the Order, and yet here we were.

What do I do?


End file.
